Friday 5

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Why deny the obvious?

1. What has you feelin’ groovy? 

Not much. It's raining. I bailed on work partway through the last two days (the floor is tilting, like vertigo) and I'm not enjoying much. 

2. Where do you often stop when you are homeward bound?

Most of the time I just want to be at home ASAP. Sometimes I stop at DQ--it's around the corner at work--but otherwise, I'm full-speed to the house.

3. When were you most recently awake far too late in the evening?

I was awakened Weds or Thurs in the wee hours (1:45) by 20 minutes of fireworks popping off--no bangs, just "pop pop pop" for awhile. I was wide awake before they finally stopped. I hate those people so much.

4. Where might you go to hear the sound of silence?

Space. It sounds lovely. [I spent the morning with about 25 children who were mostly fine but there were definitely chaotic moments.]

5. What proves you are still crazy after all these years?

The fact that I still keep going to work after 37 years (minus a couple I spent with Sparky when she was a baby). I'm tiiiiired.

Friday 5

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In the can

1. What was the most recent meat product you consumed from a can?

I can't even remember! Maybe vienna sausages but it was months ago.

2. What was the most recent vegetable product you consumed from a can?

It had to be some kind of beans. It's the only canned veg I buy. But I can't remember how long ago that was.

3. What was the most recent fruit product you consumed from a can?

OK, so what I'm learning here is that I don't buy much in cans... I did have some fruit out of a plastic cup recently, but nothing from a can.

4. What was the most recent beverage you consumed from a can?

Oops, well, I do drink plenty of diet Dr. Pepper from cans, including yesterday.

5. What are you approaching this week with a can-do attitude? 

Adulting. I have a ton of looming tasks that need addressing. I even put the laundry in immediately after getting dress this morning. This is my time-out while listening to Sparky play Stardew on Twitch. (<--20 years ago the end of that sentence would have been meaningless)

Friday 5 (x3)

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What color is your parachute? (June 20)

1. Which job on a film crew would you most like to do, and which would you be best suited for?

None of the jobs sounds like anything much I'd like to do, but the closest are in the post-production areas or something like negative cutter or compositor.     

2. Which job on a hotel staff would you most like to do, and which would you be best suited for? 

I wouldn't mind working the front desk, but I would absolutely not do well with asshole guests. Everything else sounds like hell on earth.

3. Which job in a hospital would you most like to do, and which would you be best suited for?

  Probably pharmacist or some sort of tech.

4. Which job on a cruise ship would you most like to do, and which would you be best suited for? 

I don't see a single thing. Maybe purser. I would NOT want to deal with members of the public on one of these and I don't have any interest in programming.

5. Which job on a fashion magazine would you most like to do, and which would you be best suited for?

Sub-editor. Otherwise, I'd be drunk and angry all the time. Most of these jobs sound simply awful.

Friday 5

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Intense intents in tents

1. When have you recently been the ringmaster?

I feel like I'm often juggling at least 10 plates and 3 rings at work. The life of a middle manager....

2. When have you recently walked a highwire?

I'm currently kind of stranded in the middle of walking across a deep metaphorical (emotional) chasm on a very narrow path, trying not to freak out and remind myself that if I got to the middle I can get to the other side.

3. When have you recently been an acrobat?

I spent almost half my work hours this week in the children's department, which I don't hate at all, but I canNOT do my actual work in there during Summer Reading. So, I didn't get a lot of forward progress done in getting new books out to the shelves. It's past time to get the new children's librarian on board and we still have another week to go! 

4. When have you recently been a lion tamer?

I am a terrible lion tamer. If this were my job, the lions would bite off my head in 3 seconds and the act would be over. This is why I'm relegated to children rather than dealing with adults, i.e. potential lions.

5. When have you recently been the strongman or strongwoman?

Isn't this where I say this is my full-time life, and has been for the past 8-ish years? I'm tired. Can someone else please be in charge of everything for me for a few weeks?

All of this is to say that, unfortunately, this IS my circus and these ARE my monkeys. 

Friday 5 (x2)

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Agitation

1. Whose performance of your nation’s anthem did you find especially stirring?

I prefer the ones where the tempo is moving along and there's no 'showing off.' Just sing the damn song and keep in mind the tune is a drinking song originally, so no funereal vibes.

2. When did you last fold something?

Probably at work yesterday, involving paper. I don't remember, but it's nearly certain. I know I folded up some paper on Friday to scribble on during our meeting.

3. When did you last toss something to someone?

I have no idea, but it's like to have been the last time Sparky was here. I generally toss her the remote upon arrival since I literally never use it.

4. How do you feel about beets?

Meh. I haven't eaten them in decades, at least not cooked, but I never really loved them as a kid. They offend my sensibilities with their pink drainage all around my plate.

5. What do you have mixed feelings about?

Other people's behavior. I've worked hard to be less knee-jerk judgy about choices other people make, but sometimes I just want to crack heads together.

Not your everyday

1. What’s going to be special about this weekend?

Not a helluva lot. I really REALLY hope I can get the stupid Phone Calls I Hate Having to Do accomplished tomorrow.

2. When did you last order the special when dining out?

Hmm. It's not unheard of, but I can't remember the last time. I don't eat at 'nice' places (that have specials) very often. I do usually get something I know the place does well, which makes it special to them, right?

3. What’s especially memorable about this past week?

Aside from the lack of patron zipper + underwear on Monday? And the bat, also on Monday at work? And it being the first week of Summer Reading Prizes? It was a pretty normal week.

4. When did you last consult with a specialist of some kind?

I saw my therapist on Wednesday. I basically only see specialists these days. Oh, I had a bone density exam this week. Woo-hoo!

5. What have you done recently to make someone else feel special?

I hope I do that to someone every day at work (coworkers or patrons). I saw one of Beasty's former caregivers on Friday for the first time since last year sometime and thanked her for all her help. She hadn't heard the news. I got a little weepy.

Friday 5

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Zihuatanejo

1. What could use a good shining?

My windows. I noticed this morning that they are in need of washing (among other things).

2. When have you recently had to stand in a slow-moving line?

Probably at a store somewhere. I don't go in to shop very often, and avoid crowds wherever possible.

3. What was your favorite childhood counting-out game to determine who was it?

"Eeny meeny minie mo, catch a tiger by his toe..." which I later found out was just barely not horrifyingly racist. There was also "One potato, two potato, three potato, four..." which I think is still relatively ok to use.

4. Is anything feeling thinner these days?

I feel thinner--my pants keep sliding down--but the scales say different. My patience is also pretty thin these days, along with my attention-span.

5. What do you know about Maine?

I know it's beautiful, has wonderful food, interesting people, good hiking, and a LOT of trees. I hear the coast is nice, but I go to the center when I go.

Friday 5

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This was the week that was, in 1969

1. How do you feel about bowling? (May 9: Billy Hardwick wins the Bowling Proprietors’ Association of America all-star bowling tournament)

"Bowling Proprietors"?? 

OK, but yeah, I like bowling once in awhile. I'm not good, but it's fun as long as there's no pressure to actually hit the pins.

2. How do you feel about the comedy of Monty Python, and do you have a favorite bit? (May 11: Graham Chapman, John Cleese, Terry Gilliam, Eric Idle, Terry Jones, and Michael Palin form Monty Python)

I'm a big fan of "Life of Brian." In fact, I will now commence singing "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" for the entire weekend. 

3. How many Cate Blanchett films have you seen, and do you have a favorite? (May 14: Cate Blanchett is born)

I've only seen three that I can remember, but I have a great deal of respect for her. I'd like to see some of her "out there" roles, because I've only seen her in Big Ticket films.

4. What would you like to get back? (May 14: “Get Back” by the Beatles is the number one song in America)

There's a lot of money gone that would come in handy as I face retirement. There's Beast himself. There's my youthful joints. There are hours (days ... weeks!) of anxiety that were pointless. I'm not sure any of these are worth undoing what's done, though. There's always a trade-off. Would I be better off with any of these outcomes? How much worse would my life be if I got all my wishes?

5.Who’s your favorite Joni, and who’s your favorite Mitchell? Alternate spellings and forms of the name are allowed! (May 17: Joni Mitchell is on the cover of Rolling Stone #33)

Sorry, Ms. Mitchell but my Joni is Joni Eareckson Tada, always and forever. [As a child, I got the two of them confused, which was ... confusing.] As for Mitchell, the name brings to mind the face of a child I must have been in school with, a little tow-headed 8- to 10-year-old, rather Dennis the Menace-like. I know I've know others with that first (or last) name, but that's what I got tonight.

Friday 5

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Geez I’m sorry

1. What was the nature of your most recent change in diet or eating habits?

I haven't been eating well for awhile. Mostly I snack, and I've been trying to keep those to the "slightly healthy" or at least not all carbs. I had salami-wrapped mozzarella and candy for dinner tonight, so I'm not exactly winning the war. 

2. What do you consider (in order of importance) when finding a new hairstylist or barber?

I haven't had a haircut in a salon since 2017. At this point, it will be price because I could use someone to even up the ends. 

3. Which of your childhood friends would you like most to hear from this weekend?

Hmm. Probably Laura, but that's unlikely. She's also one of the few truly childhood friends that I'm still in contact with.

4. When have you most recently been asked to drive someone somewhere, and when have you most recently needed someone else to drive you somewhere?

Sparky picked me up and dropped me off a couple of weeks ago when I had to replace all my tires. I can't remember chauffeuring anytime in recent memory.

5. How’ve you been sleeping lately?

About the same as ever, with slightly more tendency toward anxiety attacks at the beginning of the night. I love me my CBD, and Xanax.

Friday 5

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Magically delicious

1. When did you last send someone a heart emoji in a message, and what color was it?

It's almost always red because I type the < 3 thing and it emoji-cizes it into a red heart.

2. When were you most recently over the moon?

I don't think I have been for awhile. It's been a rough 6 weeks-ish.

3. When you draw a five-pointed star, which of the star’s points do you begin and end with?

Lower left up to top right (my stars stand on two legs).

4. When did you last walk barefoot in clover (or some other grass-like groundcover)?

Not this spring yet. It was lovely and warm early in the week but now we're back to craptastic clouds and chill. I'm currently wrapped up in my slanket, in fact.

5. Do you have any lucky charms?

I have some odds and ends that make me feel better when I wear them: specific earrings that make me feel invincible, a couple of my dad's shirts (which are 30+ years old, jeez!), Beast's wedding ring...those sorts of things.

Friday 5

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The full spectrum of human experience

A regular feature on the Late Show with Stephen Colbert is a fun set of questions called the Colbert Questionert, the answers to which, the host claims, reveal who a person truly is. Search YouTube for “colbert questionert” and you’ll find a bunch of fun interviews, like this one with Jennifer Lawrence.

Although many of the questions have appeared multiple times in memes through the years, it’ll be fun to answer them in this arrangement. Conveniently, there are (supposedly) fifteen questions, so they break up evenly for our purposes. Here are the first 5!

1. What is the best sandwich?

I'm very partial to American cheese on white bread with butter on both slices of bread. Add a few potato chips and I'm in heaven. (I'm a very cheap date)

2. What’s the one thing you own that you really should throw out?

Everything in the storage space behind the spare room, barring ... no, just toss it all. It literally hasn't been touched in 5 years.

3. What’s the scariest animal?

For me, that would be a grizzly. I had a spate of reading a bunch of books about bears awhile back and it put the fear of god into me about pissing about in the woods near a grizzly bear, especially a mom or any hungry one. 

4. Apples or oranges?

I prefer fresh apples. If they aren't fresh (like now, for instance) I prefer an orange.

5. What’s your favorite smell?

"Clean." Or baking bread. Or clean babies. Or dogs' paws. I'm just glad to still have a sense of smell that works right.

Friday 5

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Texture

1. What are the best and worst crunchy foods?

Best are definitely chips, specifically Cheetos. Worst...I'm going with stale bread or hard cookies. 

2. What are the best and worst chewy foods?

Best are cookies. No contest. Worst...depends on your dental work. Taffy isn't great (I like it, but jeez) but non-sweets...badly-cooked meats that require you to chew, and chew, and chew, and chew.

3. What are the best and worst oozy foods?

Fudge. And also chicken cordon bleu. I can't think of a bad oozy food. I like oozy food.

4. What are the best and worst crumbly foods?

Best is croissants. Worst is rice cakes. 

5. What are the best and worst mushy foods?

Mashed potatoes FTW. British "mushy peas" are apparently awful; I've never had them, on advice.

Friday 5

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Big game 

With apologies in advance. 

1. What item in your house recently ceased (or is likely soon to cease) Operation?

I just replaced my water heater in December. All the appliances in the house are in the red zone: fridge, washer, dryer, stove...

2. If someone were to poker ’round in your refrigerator, what item might he or she have questions about?

"Where is your actual, yknow, food?"

3. What’s in your backPac, Man? 

The only real backpack in the house is Beast's and I think it's empty. I cleaned it out awhile ago.

4. When did you last run into an old Flame? 

Literally never. ... OHHH, wait, this wasn't a flame but a guy that I knew in college that ... was a good kisser. We met up at our 20th reunion. It was a weird conversation.

5. With what object are you frequently playing Hide-and-Seek?

My phone. But actually, almost everything that I touch ends up hiding out at some point. I'm hopeless.

Friday 5

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Sound tracking 

1. What are you listening to? 

Right now, I've got the "Graveyard Tales" podcast on, via Spotify.

2. What are you hearing? 

The furnace just turned on. It's 30 degrees F outside and we're in the path of a day-long snow-storm starting tonight. I'm in the house for the next 48 hours at least.

3. What are you turning a deaf ear to? 

I'm ignoring the piles (and piles, and piles) of paperwork that need to be sorted and (mostly) thrown out.

4. What have you recently overheard? 

I can't think of a thing. I have become pretty good at forgetting anything I hear from patrons at work because of both MYOB and People Be Cray.

5. To whom have you recently lent an ear?

Beast, mostly. I never know for sure what he's saying (aphasia) so it's about all I can do, especially since I haven't been in the same room with him since July. I hate COVID.

Every family has one

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Friday 5

1. Who’s the nastiest flavor in the ice cream parlor? 

I'm gonna go with "what" that flavor is: I don't particularly care for most dark chocolate, but the one that l have the hardest time with is pistachio. That is not a normal ice-cream color! I've never had the nerve to taste it.

2. Which item in the produce aisle is most likely to spoil the party? 

Durian. I'm fairly certain it's not stocked in stores here, thank God.

3. What’s the most embarrassing song by your favorite musician or band? 

So, I love U2, but they can be a little ... dramatic. I can't think of a specific song, but sometimes they are just VERY SINCERE. 

4. Which part of your body is always in trouble? 

Honey, my mouth never stops getting me in trouble!

5. What’s the worst film in your favorite actor’s* filmography? (* “actor” as a non-gender-specific term)

Do I have a favorite actor? Well, I'm not a big fan of Meryl Streep's ABBA movies, but she's allowed to have a couple of weirdo things that are strictly for shits and giggles.

Friday 5

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Groovy, rad, lit 

1. Which slang term from your youth, no longer in common use, do you remember fondly? 

"Cool beans." Still don't understand it. Still makes me smile.

2. What slang do you still use, ‘though it’s no longer in common use? 

Probably everything. I have been known to say "superfab!" in a non-ironic way.

3. Which current (or sorta recent) slang terms do you particularly like? 

I'm fond of woke. I like yeet a lot. Those are the two that specifically come to mind.

4. Which slang terms, past or present, do you especially dislike? 

There is one word starting with C that I still cannot stand being used. It's commonplace in other English-speaking countries, but I literally cannot say it out loud.

5. What slang terms are specific to your geographical region?

"Are you coming with?" "Something needs done" rather than "needs doing" has come across my radar. Not necessarily that verb, just the past tense with a present tense helping verb. And of course everyone around here goes to "the Jewel" not the grocery store or just Jewel. Has to have "the" in front of it, but you can go to Walmart or whatever without "the." 

Friday Five

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A-M-Z

Hello, and welcome to this week’s Friday 5! Please copy these questions to your webspace. Answer the questions there; then leave a comment below so we’ll all know where to check out your responses. Please don’t forget to link us from your website! 

1. What’s better in its middle than in its edges, beginnings, or ends? 

Pie. 

2. Why is a sunrise better than a sunset? 

I can see them from the comfort of my bed. 😁

3. What’s better in retrospect than when you experienced it? 

Missed flights and other adventures while traveling, having little kids living with you, and (quite often) childhood.

4. What songs have wonderful endings?  

"The Naughty Lady of Shady Lane" (Ames Bros.) always cracks me up, even though I know the ending. So does "Everything About You" (Ugly Kid Joe) for entirely different reasons. 

5. What was the first thing you unwrapped in 2021?

The first thing I opened this year was a can of diet Coke, followed by a new package of (Gouda) cheese. I don't think I've, technically, 'unwrapped' anything at all. Wait! No! I opened all my pill bottles this morning to fill the weekly sorter! My life is super-interesting, no? 

Friday 5

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Telltale Tales

1. What’s a story you really like from your country’s (or ethnicity’s) folklore?

Wow. I'm not really in love with any of the stories about women in this country/my ethnicity. I guess I do have some good feelings around the Three Little Pigs, possibly because of my sister singing along with Barbra Streisand with her song about it.

2. What movie version of a fairy tale do you especially like?

I can't think of any. Does Aladdin count?

3. Some fables tell the story of how something came to be (for example, Why Mosquitoes Buzz in People’s Ears). What’s a fable you especially like in this vein?

I love this book! I love all the Anansi stories, too.

4. Some fables have a moral attached to the end (for example, The Boy Who Cried Wolf). What fable in this vein is especially applicable to your life?

Good Lord, Sleeping Beauty rings a lot of bells for me. Sigh.

5. If you got together with your high-school friends, what’s a story they might retell about you?

Probably nothing very exciting. A select few know about the time I backed my mom's car (Toyota Corolla) directly into a T-bird parked behind me, which belonged to the boyfriend of a neighbor of ours (and we were on the other side of town). The whole situation was ludicrous.

Friday 5

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AutoComplete
I came up with this week’s questions by typing the 5 Ws, one at a time, into Google and letting it suggest something interesting (or at least not a yes-no question). I’ve put the incomplete part of each query in bold {ed. I turned them red} you so you can see what I had to do to get the question. In four cases I changed the question’s point of view so [you] is the subject and not [I] or [we]. This may be a flop but I thought it was an interesting concept.

1. Who do you look like?

   My father's family has very strong genes: three of the five kids look like his side. The other kids don't, which we've always taken to mean that they resemble Mom's side. Apparently, my brother has turned into the uncle he's named for, so there's that!

2. What bit you?

   Nothing, recently, thank the good Lord!

3. When are you due?

   NEVER, EVER, ASK THIS QUESTION! I have actually been asked this multiple times, often when I was not pregnant.

4. Where have all the flowers gone?

   Young girls have picked them, every one. Also, it's August/September and almost all the blooms are on their way out.

5. Why don’t you?

   Because I'm chicken.

Friday 5

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Smallifying

1. What mini version of a popular snack food is better than its original?

   The first thing that popped into my head is those little Ritz cheese-and-crackers things. Possibly because I'm currently sitting here eating full-size Ritz with spreadable cheese.

2. What mini version of a popular snack food is not as good as its original?

   Again, the only thing that comes to mind is mini Oreos. Too much cookie, not enough cream!

3. What food, not yet miniaturized as far as you know, might make a great hors d’oeuvre for parties?

   I cannot think of anything that I'd want miniaturized. Feeling a little slow tonight.

4. What snack food might be better in a giant size?

   Kinder Eggs. The original ones; not the weird ones we have in the U.S.

5. What five mini-scoops of ice cream flavors would go really well together?

   Butter pecan, caramel, French vanilla, Rocky Road, and cookie dough.
   Great. Now I'm craving ice cream....

Friday 5

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Mist It by That Much

1. What did you most recently spray out of a can?

   Wow. I had to think about this one: air freshener a couple of days ago. The house smelled weird.

2. What’s your favorite food (or food product) that’s sprayed from a can?

   I used some Pam cooking spray last weekend. I don't think there's anything else in a can I use. Ever.

3. When did you last spray-paint something?

   I'm actually not sure I've done this since a Christmas thing we did several decades ago. Seriously, I'm not a spray-paint user.

4. What’s something that’s not sprayed from a can but would be pretty cool if it were?

   I would love if I could spray Pull Your Head Out at some people.

5. What’s conceptually the oddest thing sprayed from a can?

   Cheese. I mean, I like it, but who the hell thought of this!? Also, pancake batter, ditto above.