Gross and disgusting

I've warned you. This is probably not going to be my favorite meme, but I know someone who will be in hysterical giggles by about question, oh, 3.

01. Die alone in the woods, or die in front of an audience?
Depending on the method of death, I think I'd rather die in front of people. Like George Carlin. ;-)

02. Watch your family die in a house fire, or your family watch you die in a house fire?
Eooosh, this is where I start not having fun...
Uhm, I'd rather die. Can it be smoke inhalation not burning, though? Please?

03. Fall on to big jagged rocks, or big jagged rocks fall on you?
Rocks on me. I'm not bloody likely to fall!

04. Have your teeth pulled out 1-by-1, or have your fingernails pulled out 1-by-1?
Hey, anesthetic can be fun: teeth. I'm headed that way anyway, I fear.

05. Have your knees bend the opposite way, or have your elbows bend the opposite way?
Ooooh, I always wondered what it would be like to have my arms bend backwards!

06. Be used as a human speed-bump, or be used as an archery board?
Hmmm, speed bump. It wouldn't last as long before I was dead.

07. Find out you just banged a dead person, or have someone bang you when you're dead?
Eeecccch. Having Tom Petty's "Mary Jane" video flashbacks. If I were dead, I wouldn't really care, and I sure as hell ain't getting any off a dead guy!

08. Eat a pound of plain butter, or eat a pound of table salt?
Butter.

09. Go cannibal on your lovers leg, or your lover go cannibal on yours?
There's more meat on his...it would take less time for him to finish mine. Uhm, him with my leg.

10. Cut out your tongue, or cut off your nose & ears?
Tongue. Sometimes, that would be a blessing.

11. Become the opposite sex overnight, or become a different race/ethnicity overnight?
And stay that way forever? {Shrug} Whatever. I don't really want to be a boy, not anymore.

12. Rob a bank and get caught, or have someone rob you and not get caught?
They aren't going to get much from me, so choice two.

13. Hold your best friend's head underwater, or your best friend hold your head underwater?
No, I'll be doing the holding on this one. Me no likey water tricks!

14. Staple yourself to the wall, or nail yourself to the wall?
What's the difference? Nail, I guess. They're easier to remove.

15. Watch your parents have 3-sum sex, or have your parents watch you have sex.
Oh, dear God. Since my dad is dead, neither is very likely.
This is awful. Uhm, choice 2.

16. Hang yourself, or shoot yourself?
Bang.

17. Hit a small child with a baseball bat, or have a small child beat you with a baseball bat?
I've had the second experience--I survived. I couldn't do the first one.

18. Be baked alive, or BBQ/fried alive?
Baked, I guess. No particular reason, since they'd both be equally awful.

19. Eat someone's earwax, or eat someone's snot?
From a practical point of view, I'd do the earwax: less chance for infection. But oy, have you tasted those earwax-flavored jellybeans? They're foul!!

20. Cut off your snatch/penis, or eat your deceased grandparents?
Dead grandparents. But they've really all been dead so long that this would be almost as bad as the earwax thing.

Have fun, ya'll.