Hump Day

Link: Blogdrive Insanity
Title:Today is ... National Blueberry Cheesecake day.

01. You are battery operated - what are you? What size batteries do you require and how many?

A karaoke machine. Possibly a jukebox (more likely, actually). Maybe even a nickelodeon (if you know that a nickelodeon isn't a TV channel, you'll understand that reference...). I don't know about batteries: how about a car battery? Don't think even size D would work for me.
[It's too easy to go the bra size/battery size route. I had never even thought of it till now, actually. But believe me I'm not a D!!]

02. Ohmigosh! You're on the cover of the National [E]nquirer (or other trash magazine)! What is the headline? Give us an exce[r]pt for the inside story?

Librarian Arresting for Disturbing the Peace
The Cataloger was arrested today for picketing outsider her child's school and shouting at teachers and administrators while they were trying to organize the end-of-school pickup lines.
The principal, Ms. K____ M____, was quoted as saying, "We really have no idea why she is so upset. We have tried to explain that we can't do anything at all to stop other children from swearing at, hitting or otherwise making her son's life miserable. For some reason, she finds this unreasonable."
The Cataloger responded, through her attorney, "Could the teacher and administration be any more clueless? She has been told once a month that the abuse has continued. Two other children in the class, friends of my child, are in therapy. Both are clinically depressed. I don't want my child to head that direction, not at age 11."
The Cataloger has been released on her own recognizance to cheers from parents whose children have also been taught by this teacher in past years.

03. If you could be ANY sex symbol (living or dead) who would it be and why? What question do you think you'd most get asked?

Theda Bara. "Could you show us a little ankle, Theda?"

04. You are lighter than air, you float. C'mon, introduce youself - what are you?

A parachute. Don't know why; it just seemed a little less lame than a feather.

05. Your blog just won an award for being the best. What is it for? You've also also been given an "award" for being the worst. What is it for.

Best: most frequent color and font changes combined with sheer numbers of blogs created in the shortest amount of time.
Worst: see above.

Extra credit hump: In honor of National Blueberry Cheesecake Day, what's the most creative use for a blueberry you can conjure up?
I'm not very creative. But on a bad day, I could see forcing rude and/or obnoxious patrons' mouths full of blueberries, a la The Blue Man Group. They'd have to go outside though, so the juice wouldn't stain the carpets. ;-)
Otherwise, I think I'd just eat them, like in Blueberries for Sal.