Big holes

From here
52 questions to foster (or maintain) closeness and intimacy

1. What do you miss about being a kid? Not having responsibilities or a sense of time passing. 

2. If someone gave you enough money to start a business – no strings attached – what kind of business would you want to start and why? I honestly have no interest in running a business. It sounds dreadfully intense and full of pitfalls. I don't need that in my life.

3. Tell me about a relationship issue you’re having, and ask me for advice on how to fix it. No thanks. I am full of other people's often-not-useful-at-all advice already.

4. If you could go back in time, what’s one piece of advice you’d give to your younger self? "Calm tf DOWN!" "Don't be so sure you're right all the damn time."

5. What’s something you want to do in the next year that you’ve never done before? I have spent quite a lot of time learning to make No Big Plans, but I would like to take myself on a long roadtrip.

6. Tell me three things that happened in the last week that you’re thankful for. Today's day off. A big smile from Beast. Noticing that I am able to create a decent OCLC record in less than 20 minutes.

7. What’s your favorite memory we’ve shared together? Gimme as many details as possible. I don't know you, so I'll just tell you a favorite memory: playing Pooh Sticks with Sparky (age 3)  at the bridge by the church in the Yorkshire Dales. Thank you to my nieces who grew up playing it and taught us.

8. What makes you happy? Silliness and kids having good clean fun.

9. Who or what has changed your life? Life itself has changed my life. I've become far (FAR) less trusting, far more patient, and far less willing to put up with other people's drama.

10. How do you best connect with others? There is nothing better that making eye contact with someone while something else is going on and both of you having the same reaction. Like a kid melting down and seeing another parent-of-adults and you both kind of sigh in relief that this isn't YOUR kid.

11. Are you a giver, a taker, or a matcher? Are there areas in your life where you act like one type, and other areas where you act like another? [Here’s the Giver/Taker Test] I highlighted the parts I agree with, and to be clear I tried to answer as I would have when Beast was around, not now. Because now is all giver, pretty much 100%.

70
According to your score, you are generally the giver in your relationship - you seem to enjoy providing your partner with whatever she/he needs. Maybe the motivation for your giving nature comes from the gratitude you receive after having given to your partner. Or maybe the act itself is amply fulfilling. Whatever the reason, as long as you're happy with this arrangement, then by all means, give to your heart's content! After all, giving can be a truly beautiful thing if your offerings are well received and appreciated. Keep in mind however, that giving too much can have its drawbacks. As a habitual giver, you may be putting your lover's needs and wants before your own in your desire to please. It does feel nice at first to bask in your partner's appreciation, but eventually, this sense of contentment may wear thin - especially if your mate gets into the habit of expecting (or feeling entitled) to receive, and offers nothing in return. Don't let yourself become trapped in such a pattern. If giving to your partner no longer brings you joy, feelings of resentment and frustration may start to develop. Give only because you truly want to, not because you feel obliged or want something in return. Being the giver in a relationship could leave your partner as the taker, which may or may not be a position she/he is comfortable with. Granted, there are likely many couples who are perfectly content with such an arrangement but for some people, being the constant taker can become suffocating over time. Whatever the case is in your relationship, don't count yourself short. You deserve just as much attention, love and respect as your partner.

12. What are the five most important things on your bucket list? I don't really have a bucket list, especially not anymore. Having said that...

1. I'd like to see Sparky married, happy, and with whatever family they want. 
2. I'd like to downsize but not much. I do not want to live in an apartment!
3. I'd like to get to England again to see all the kids (both the adult ones and their own offspring!).
4. I'd like to retire. (ha ha ha ha ha)
5. That roadtrip mentioned above is there, I guess, too.

13. What matters most to you? Getting enough sleep.

14. What’s some of the best advice you’ve ever gotten? "Take care of yourself first."

15. What’s your ideal weekend? Sleep late, stay in pajamas as long as possible, visit Beast, grab some food, take a nap. Read among that hectic schedule. 😜

16. If you could take a year-long paid sabbatical, what would you do? Assuming all was paid for, I would absolutely rent a small place in England somewhere near the south coast and appreciate the view.
Alternately, and more practically, I would get the house cleaned up and ready to move out of.

17. Who do you trust? Very-damn-few people anymore. Sparky, to a point. Beast, as far as that goes. I can rely on certain people for specific things, but on the whole, I really trust no one fully anymore.

18. What are five things you’re thankful for right now? hoo boy, didn't we do this already...?

1. My (relative) health.
2. Beast is still hanging on.
3. Sparky is getting their life figured out, kinda.
4. Del retired last Friday!!
5. My house.

19. If a genie granted you three wishes right now, what would you wish for? Financial clarity, a full staff (cook, housekeeper, bookkeeper, shopper) of really smart robots, motivation to get things accomplished.

20. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done and would you do it again? The craziest thing I've done is flying (with a college class) to the USSR and China for 5 weeks in January on a fucking DARE!

21. What’s your favorite family tradition? Arguing about religion at the dinner table. No one got upset about that. Politics meant hurt feelings, etc., but spirited discussion was encouraged. I miss that so much; no one in my life now--except Sparky on some topics--is willing to engage because, apparently, I'm too ... "forceful?" I don't know. I seem to have become a harridan in my dotage.

22. If you could enter a time machine, what time period would you go to? Whatever period where they've cured allergies and human stupidity.

23. What’s your favorite quote? The quote of the day on GoodReads for me today is “...how could you describe a hill and snow to someone who had never felt height or wind or that feathery, magical cold?” —Lois Lowry"

24. What do you value most in a friendship? Honesty. 

25. Tell me your life story in four minutes, with as many deets as possible. I was born. I grew up. Bad things happened. More good things happened than bad things. I learned things. I appreciated being cared for. I am getting older, but I will always be the "little sister" even at age 60. Life is both more and less than I anticipated.

26. What’s something I’ve done for you that you’re grateful for? Well, you created this list of questions.

27. What do you want your legacy to be? I want people I love to know that I did love them and want the best for them. And please donate my body to science if you can.

28. Let’s alternate sharing three positive characteristics of each other. This is lame. I will give you three of mine:

1. Good problem-solver, both quick-thinking problems and more snarly, knotty ones.
2. Encourager.
3. (probably too) Honest.

29. What are your biggest goals for this year? How will you work to achieve them? For 2024: keep my goddamn mouth goddamn SHUT at work, don't rise to the bait, plod along and get the work done and keep my opinions to myself for the love of all that is good! At this point the only way to actually achieve this is very likely wearing duct tape on my mouth every damn day. 
Otherwise, I don't 'do' goals.

30. Where was your favorite place to go as a child and why did you love it there? Generally, "the mountains." I miss being able to just wander around in fresh air trying to figure out life with my little dog. 

31. Tell me about a challenge you’ve been having at work or school, and ask me for advice on what to do about it. I don't want any advice. I know what I need to do, I just need to actually bloody DO IT!!

32. What was the first thing you bought with your own money? Probably Tiger Beat or something equally meaninful.

33. What are you curious about? Kids. They are endlessly complicated and difficult to predict.

34. What are your top three strengths? Which strengths do you look for in a friend or partner? [Take the VIA Strengths Test] I guess this is somewhat accurate.

Your Top Strengths

1. Love (HUMANITY) Valuing close relations with others, in particular those in which sharing & caring are reciprocated; being close to people.

2. Creativity (WISDOM) Thinking of novel and productive ways to conceptualize and do things; includes artistic achievement but is not limited to it.

3. Love of Learning (WISDOM) Mastering new skills, topics, and bodies of knowledge, whether on one's own or formally; related to the strength of curiosity but goes beyond it to describe the tendency to add systematically to what one knows.

4. Humor (TRANSCENDENCE) Liking to laugh and tease; bringing smiles to other people; seeing the light side; making (not necessarily telling) jokes. 

5. Spirituality (TRANSCENDENCE) Having coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe; knowing where one fits within the larger scheme; having beliefs about the meaning of life that shape conduct and provide comfort.

Your Middle Strengths

6. Perspective (WISDOM) Being able to provide wise counsel to others; having ways of looking at the world that make sense to oneself/others.

7. Leadership (JUSTICE) Encouraging a group of which one is a member to get things done and at the same time maintain good relations within the group; organizing group activities and seeing that they happen. 

8. Bravery (COURAGE) Not shrinking from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain; speaking up for what’s right even if there’s opposition; acting on convictions even if unpopular; includes physical bravery but is not limited to it.

9. Social Intelligence (HUMANITY) Being aware of the motives/feelings of others and oneself; knowing what to do to fit into different social situations; knowing what makes other people tick.

10. Kindness (HUMANITY) Doing favors and good deeds for others; helping them; taking care of them.

11. Gratitude (TRANSCENDENCE) Being aware of and thankful for the good things that happen; taking time to express thanks.

12. Hope (TRANSCENDENCE) Expecting the best in the future and working to achieve it; believing that a good future is something that can be brought about.

13. Appreciation of Beauty & Excellence (TRANSCENDENCE) Noticing and appreciating beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in various domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience.

14. Fairness (JUSTICE) Treating all people the same according to notions of fairness and justice; not letting feelings bias decisions about others; giving everyone a fair chance.

15. Judgment (WISDOM) Thinking things through and examining them from all sides; not jumping to conclusions; being able to change one's mind in light of evidence; weighing all evidence fairly.

16. Honesty (COURAGE) Speaking the truth but more broadly presenting oneself in a genuine way and acting in a sincere way; being without pretense; taking responsibility for one's feelings and actions. 

17. Curiosity (WISDOM) Taking an interest in ongoing experience for its own sake; finding subjects and topics fascinating; exploring and discovering. 

18. Forgiveness (TEMPERANCE) Forgiving those who have done wrong; accepting others’ shortcomings; giving people a second chance; not being vengeful.

19. Humility (TEMPERANCE) Letting one's accomplishments speak for themselves; not regarding oneself as more special than one is. 

20. Zest (COURAGE) Approaching life with excitement and energy; not doing things halfway or halfheartedly; living life as an adventure; feeling alive and activated.

Your Lesser Strengths

21. Teamwork (JUSTICE) Working well as a member of a group or team; being loyal to the group; doing one's share. 

22. Prudence (TEMPERANCE) Being careful about one's choices; not taking undue risks; not saying or doing things that might later be regretted. 

23. Perseverance (COURAGE) Finishing what one starts; persevering in a course of action in spite of obstacles; “getting it out the door”; taking pleasure in completing tasks.

24. Self-Regulation (TEMPERANCE) Regulating what one feels and does; being disciplined; controlling one's appetites and emotions.

35. Name four things we have in common. So presumably we're both human. Judging by the nature of the questions, you're probably USan. Other than those two things, I have no idea.

36. What are your favorite three topics to talk about? Hot gos. Churchy stuff. "Catching up" as in "with old friends."

37. What’s your earliest memory? Sitting on the couch in the living room, feet sticking out in front of me, not hanging over the edge. I was liiiiittttttle.

38. How do you express gratitude towards others? Give me an example. "Thank you so much!"

39. What are the top three ways to express your love in friendships and in relationships? (Here’s the Love Languages Quiz) I think this result is decidedly more based on the reality of Beast's and my relationship these days, not so much as when he was living at home.

Quality of Time 26%
Physical Touch™ 23%
Words of Affirmation™ 19%
Receiving Gifts™ 19%
Acts of Service™ 13%

In the vernacular of Quality Time™, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. The love language of Quality Time also means sharing quality conversations and quality activities. 

40. In what situations do you feel most comfortable sharing your perspective? I rarely feel uncomfortable in this respect. To my dismay, quite often. Later.

41. Who’s someone you really admire? I admire President Obama's focus on staying tf out of politics as much as he can.

42. How do you like to be comforted when you’re upset? First off, leave me alone. Once I'm done crying and acting out, just listen. Don't advise; just listen. Eventually, tell me where I went wrong. Or right.

43. What would you do on your “perfect” day? Kinda like the whole "perfect weekend" question above, my answer would involve a great deal of sleep and doing nothing important.

44. In 10 years, how would you like to describe your life?  FUCKING RETIRED!

45. If you had $100,000 to give away to any cause, which cause would you choose and why? That is nowhere near enough to do what needs doing to reinstate Roe v. Wade but it would be something in that direction.

46. Where are the top three places you want to travel to some day, and why? I've wanted to go to the Valley of the Kings for years. I'd like to see Olduvai Gorge. Following the "big holes" theme, let's talk about the Grand Canyon.

47. If you could have any job you wanted, that would it be? I love my job. I'll keep it. Can I just be left alone to do it, please?

48. Tell me about a day you had that you’ll never forget. The day I got married was pretty memorable. So was the day Sparky was born, which was a very FULL 24-hour day. I'm not going to go into deets on either, but both days were life-changing.

49. If there were 26 hours in a day, what would you do more of? Duh: sleep.

50. Is there something you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it yet? I have always wanted to go skydiving, but I think my time for that is past. I'd definitely break something on touchdown.

51. What moments or events during your childhood shaped who you are now? My sister's very serious illness (when I was 2-4) turned me into the person I am today in so many ways. Mix in my grandmothers' end-of-life nursing home time, and it explains why I'm so weirdly (?) comfortable with hospitals and sick/old people.

52. What do you think about most? Whatever podcast I'm listening to at the mo. Right now it's "Box of Oddities."