Death is my buddy

(Swiped from Amy, who snagged it here)

1. What’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person?

One thing? OK, I've been hanging out with Death since I was a very little girl, practically as a not-so-imaginary-but-invisible friend. I was visiting my probably-going-to-die sister in hospitals from before my third birthday, my grandfather died when I was 3, I remember attending my first funeral at age 7 (Mom's mom) and the first funeral for a friend when I was 18. My sister didn't die, not then. She has since then, after packing an awful lot of life into the next 30 years. My parents have both died, before I turned 45--for which I feel fortunate, since my sister's kids lost their mom and (effectively) their dad before either kid turned 23. Death is pretty much always hanging around. Like that raccoon in the garbage, it just keeps on keeping on. We're still pretty decent friends at this point, which is not to say I'm suicidal. Anymore. I learned to make my peace early on that I can appreciate someone without liking them, because of Death.

2. What’s one thing that’s happened to you in your life that made you feel weak?

(Perception of) Failure. Failing to get an A. Failing to save someone. Failure to behave well, or even properly. Failure to know what to say in the moment.

3. Where is one place you feel most like yourself?

Curled up under a blanket reading a good mystery, alone.

4. Where is your favorite place to escape to?

Sleep.

5. Who do you think has had the largest influence on the person you are today?

My parents.

6. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

I would have learned how to stop eating when I'm not hungry.

7. If you had one day left to live, what would you do first?

I'd make sure my will and other legal documents were in order and then I'd call people.

8. What decade do you feel you most belong in?

I came of age in the late 70s, early 80s, and for better or worse that feels like home to me.

9. Who are you closest to in your family? Why?

Weirdly--God's a weird guy--it's turned out to be my niece Katherine. She has come through in a couple of small but very surprising ways this year. And also she lives nearest me. ;)

10. Who is the one person in this world that knows you best?

I have come to believe that through no one's fault but my own, no one really knows me. Quite a few people think they do. I am known well in parts by lots of different people.

11. What is your favorite quality about your best friend?

It's kind of a mix of kindness, honesty, and humor.

12. When you were younger what did you think you were going to be when you grew up?

An adult. Little did I know....
Really, I had no big plans when I was a kid. I just wanted to be not-a-kid.

13. If you could identify with one fictional character (from a book, show, or movie) who would it be?

I have always very much identified with Laura Ingalls Wilder. But there were a couple of characters from "The Magicians" series that reminded me of myself as well. And Emily Prentiss. She bites her nails too.

14. Do you easily accept compliments? Or do you hate compliments?

I have come to deal with them better than I used to. If (I feel) they're warranted compliments, I don't mind. If I don't really understand, or agree with, the compliment, it's harder to accept it.

15. Is your favorite attribute about yourself physical or non-physical?

I have good hair. And a quick wit.

16. What is your favorite physical attribute about yourself?

These days, my hips and stomach which are far too large. And my inability to have an unvoiced thought at times.

17. What is your favorite non-physical attribute about yourself?

Didn't I just do this? I like that fact that my mind generally works pretty fast, still. It's slowing down markedly, but still clicking along.

18. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Nope.

19. Do you believe in soul mates?

Ugh, I hate the mere concept of this, mostly because of horrible books that revolve around the concept.

20. How seriously do you take horoscopes?

Not at all. No, really. I mean....no. They're hooey. And such a guilty pleasure.

21. Have you ever been in love? How many times?

I fall in love multiple times a week with things and people for a variety of reasons. This week, I developed a little thing for a guy who came into the library named Tom who is simply a delightful young man with some issues. My coworkers got him a place to stay that night and some money with which to eat, and then when he came back the next day, we hooked him up with SA for another couple of nights in a hotel till his unemployment bennies came through. Yes, he's probably scamming us, but he's also just adorable. I really hope some, or even one, of his big ideas comes to fruition.

22. What makes you fall in love with someone?

Personality, chemistry, joy, REALness, connection. It also helps that I really like most people one on one.

23. What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable?

I'm very susceptible to that whole connection thing: for good or ill, if I feel like someone has discovered something true about me, we're connected. And that makes me vulnerable to people who prey on that.

24. What’s one thing you’re scared to ask a man, but really want to?

"A man" is quite different from "men in general." I'd love to ask Donald Trump if he really is buying his own PR, but I know I wouldn't be likely to get any kind of honest response.

25. If you were a man for a day, what would be the first thing you do?

Pee standing up. Seems to be the thing most guys do first in the morning.

26. What do you find most attractive about each sex?

I like the solidity of men, the "thereness" of them. They take up space. I like the listening skills women have.
I also find this question entirely sexist, as are my answers since I know a lot of "there" women and men who listen well.

27. What’s one thing you’d love to learn more about?

Only everything!

28. What is something you’ve never done that you’ve always wanted to do?

Gotten my motorcycle license, gotten a pilot's license, driven a semi tractor, traveled Africa, Australia or South American, gawd so MUCH to do yet!

29. Why haven’t you done it yet?

Busy doing other things, and filling out these silly surveys.

30. If money didn’t matter, what would your dream job be?

I've got it. Don't need to dream about it.

31. If you had off from work today, what would you do?

I do have off work today and I'm doing this. In about three minutes, I'm going downstairs and swapping laundry to the dryer. Then I will probably come up and zonk out on the couch for awhile.

32. What was the last thing that made you cry?

Sparky left, holidays officially ending. It was just a little leakage. He's such a good guy.

33. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

We played our second round of "Cards Against Humanity" of the weekend this morning. That game is simply filthy, horrible, and absolutely riotous.

34. What is your favorite memory?

Oh good God, I can't pick one. I dream every day of being up the side of the cliff across from our house in Ouray with my dog, just hiking and wandering. I miss that.

35. What’s the last thing that REALLY embarrassed you?

CAH will have that effect on you, especially when playing with your child.

36. What is your biggest fear?

Poverty.

37. Do you have any regrets? What’s your biggest one?

Do I have regrets? What a silly question. Only insane people don't have regrets. Where shall I start? With being a right bitch to certain people for no good reason? With ignoring someone because I couldn't (or wouldn't) deal with their "drama." With not having more than one kid? So many places to go with this. I try not to live in the land of Regret.

38. Have you ever broken a law? If you haven’t what is one law you’d love to break?

Of course I have. If nothing else, I drive over the speed limit almost every day.

39. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

Getting married right out of college was nuts. Going to the USSR on a dare was insane. Putting up with clinical insanity in the workplace was stupid. I dunno. I have a helluva track record in "crazy" to be honest.

40. Would you have a conversation with a stranger?

I do this pretty much every day.

41. Would you tell a stranger they have toilet paper hanging from their shoe? Or their dress tucked into their underwear? (Or anything else that is embarrassing to be seen in public)?

Of course. I'm from the Midwest. We're friendly like that.

42. What’s your favorite joke?

"Little Bunny Foo-Foo"

43. Are you a dog person or a cat person?

Dog. I mean, I like cats in theory, but their dander makes me sick. So does dog dander, but I 'get' dogs' mentality better.

44. If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?

Wolf. I do not know why.

45. What’s one show, movie, or book, you’re embarrassed to admit you enjoy?

I'm perfectly willing to admit my geekhood in whatever venue it appears. I can't think of anything I'm trying to keep on the DL from others.

46. How do you think your parents would describe you as a child?

My mother said I was an "easy" kid, quiet, well-behaved and good. What she never knew can't hurt her now, right?

47. If you could go back to any age or time of your life, what age or time would it be?

I'd love to be about 4 again. No school, no responsibilities, the world full of wonder, and no knowledge of how horrible things could be.

48. What’s something you believe in that not everyone else does?

Well, God. And science. Beast.

49. What’s one thing you would say that makes you unique from other people?

There is, I hope, no one in the world whose brain works like mine.

50. What is one thing you feel your life is missing?

Warm weather, mountains, peace of mind, and grandchildren. All of which is to say that mostly things I can't control, except peace. I can work on that.