The Queen's Meme

(Link in meme-roll under Mimi Writes)
The Cat Meme
This is going to be weird; buckle up!

1. Do you have a cat?

I don't think one ever "has" a cat. I think it's more likely, just from observation, that a cat "has" (a) human(s). On the other hand, I am allergic to cats so I try to avoid them, which only means I am their favorite person, probably because I won't pet them.
On the third had, I am a Cat.!!

2. What is your cat's name?

This cat is named Cat. My imaginary cats are legion, and nameless, except in their ineffable inscrutability. (see here)

3. What makes you love cats?

It's a self-referential thing, don'tchaknow?As for the furry kind...I don't. I find them rather annoying at best; this is primarily because they literally make me sick. Just thinking about my niece's house--she's "down" to "only" three cats now, from a high of five a couple of years ago--is giving me a headache and making me itch. From a distance, I admire how independent cats are, and how well they are able to train their humans. And they are amusing, whether then intend to be at times or not.

4. If you are not a cat person, why not?

I believe I've gotten there already. I'm not kidding: I'm getting a psychosomatic headache just thinking about this subject....

5. What is the funniest thing your cat has ever done?

I do ridiculous shit practically on an hourly basis. But, like all cats everywhere, I totally MEANT TO DO IT!

6. Do you think you have to have a special gene to be a cat person or can a hooman be trained to love cats?

Oh, I think anyone can learn to love animals, except I suppose sociopaths. Even then ... The mere fact of being an animal lover shouldn't blind us to other negative traits--wasn't Hitler a dog guy? Woops, there's a digression of epic proportions!

7. Do you think cats have feelings and can talk to their owners?

Of course they can! I may not love them, but for crying out loud, of course they have feelings and communicate with others!! What sort of elitist human wouldn't admit this? This reminds me of the Bio prof in college who insisted that animals don't feel pain; all us non-sciencey people in the (Science for Dummies) class just stared at him like he'd just told us the chairs and desks were made of braunsweiger. That was the moment when I realized the door to my potential science career had slammed shut in front of me.

8. (BONUS QUESTION) The Rainbow Bridge is the place where cats go when they pass away. I think it's a lovely idea. If humans could have a bridge of their own in the afterlife, what would you name it?

I thought dogs went there too? Frankly, when I get to the afterlife, it better be RIGHT NEXT DOOR to the Rainbow Bridge, because if there's not dogs (and, ok, cats) in heaven, I don't wanna be there!! Seriously. This is not negotiable. I hope the Big Guy is paying attention.