Sunday Stealing

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Ask Questions Meme

1. What type of criminal would you be?

I would be stealthy and (I hope) never captured. Prison doesn't really seem like my gig.

2. What are you listening to right now?

We're watching the DVR'd NASCAR race from last night. Just had a little banger that took out a bunch of the "name" guys.

3. If you had to choose a stripper name, what would it be?

For myself or someone else? Frankly, I went to school with some girls whose names, looking back, were pretty close to stripper names. None of them became strippers--I'm Facebook friends with several of them. But really, WHY do we (Americans?) name our girls after alcohol and food: Candy, Sherry, Brandy...?

4. If your phone started ringing, who would you hope is calling?

I would know from the ringtone whether it was someone I wanted to talk to. Beast and Sparky have their own specific ringtones. Close friends all share one. People I need to be sure to answer have a separate one. My extended family and "unknown" all play Rachmaninoff, the Sound of Doom.

5. Do you drink alcohol?

Not very often, not anymore.

6. Do you smoke?

My stock answer is always "only when really angry."

7. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

The more often I am asked this question, the more it boils down to threat assessment: is this someone I need to keep an eye on? are they acting goofy? does she seem friendly? are those kids going to run right in front of me when I walk past?

8. Do you get attached easily?

Not like I used to. Too many emotional injuries.

9. Do you like your eye color?

I'm cool with it.

10. Have any stupid human tricks?

I'm full of 'em. Nothing that would make me much money on stage, though. I know a lot of song lyrics, including most classic musicals, and I can tell you the Dewey call number for a LOT of random subjects, and what the individual parts of the longer numbers mean. I can make a fast béchamel sauce without a recipe. I can fold fitted sheets. I can stand on the edge of a cliff and look down without weirding out.

11. Humor me. What physical ideal do you imagine in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner?

Look, I'm 52 years old and not at my finest physically. At this point, physical attributes in others aren't something I feel I can be too fussy about. Were I in the market, upright and breathing and not currently hospitalized are major selling points. Nice voice is a bonus. Nice eyes too.

12. Any other essential quirks/interests/other you look for in a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner?

Sense of humor is required, along with plain speaking, and kindness and some humility.

13. Have you ever stolen anything?

Yup, but not for years. Except, I suppose, the occasional paper clip or something from work.

14. Any romantic gestures you really like?

I used to tell Beast not to buy flowers because we couldn't really afford them. Now I wish I'd kept my mouth shut because he buys me flowers less than once a year; I trained him too well.:'(

15. What’s your favorite color and why?

Blue. I think it started because blue jeans, and now is because of missing the blues of the sky and mountains of Colorado. Blue and white were my high school's colors.

16. What were you like when you were a kid?

Shy, quiet, a bit of a loner, bookish, kind of a crybaby.

17. What would your dream house be like?

I love the house in which I live now. The only thing I'd like to add is a hot-tub, but I am not thrilled with the prospect of having to clean it. Here's the floor plan of our house. The kitchen island is different, and instead of a pantry we have floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. There's a fireplace in the living room between the two side windows. Everything else is basically the same.

18. What last made you laugh?

The guys doing the commentary on the race are killing me. They're really confused about the rules of this race, and Waltrip keeps saying stupid stuff like, "When you're leaking fluid and having trouble steering, it's probably power-steering fluid that's leaking." Derp.

19. Do you have a place you like to go to collect your thoughts?

Bed or the bathroom.

20. What is your favorite word?

Lately, it's been "fuck" and all its cognates. I've totally become a sailor.

21. What is your least favorite word?

"Sorry." It means nothing, nothing, if there's no change in behavior following it.

22. Would you go bungee jumping/sky diving if given the chance?

You bet!!

23. Do you have any siblings?

I have one sister and one brother left.

24. Do you like to dance?

Yes. But not in public.

25. What is your definition of cheating?

Lying about emotional commitments to others.