Patrick's Place

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Saturday 6

1. At what age (if at all) did you learn to swim?

Haven't yet mastered it. Really, really do not like the feeling of not being able to touch the floor, and I don't like the feeling of water in my ears. Plus I can't see a bloody thing, and the chlorine stings my eyes terribly.

2. Some educators have proposed that swimming lessons be mandatory for children. Do you think this is a good idea?

Long story to get to my short-ish answer: When I was in junior high, our school district made swimming one length of the pool a requirement for graduation from high school. So, yeah, I was tied for second in class rank and they were going to keep me from graduating cuz I couldn't swim? No. But I spent 5 years in various stages of sheer terror at the thought of having to deal with this. Eventually, one of my best friends--who was on the swim team--coached me to learn enough to do some sort of face-float-flail-mashup the short way across the pool. Whew. Haven't tried swimming since then, 29 years ago.

ANYHOO: yeah, I think this is a ridiculous addition to the curriculum of any school district. I mean, really, neither of my parents could swim, at least two of my sisters rarely if ever swim (or swam)...and so far I don't miss it that much. How about we make sure kids can read and tell time when they graduate?

3. How often do you hang out with friends at a swimming pool?

Uhm, that would be precisely never.

4. Have you ever been thrown into a pool with your clothes on?

No. And should it ever happen, assuming I survive there will be some serious hell to pay. And should I NOT survive, you can bet your sweet ass I'll be doing some haunting of the people involved.

5. How often do you visit a beach?

About as often as I go to the pool. OK, actually, I've been to a couple of beaches more recently than I've been to a pool. I do like sand, and wading.

6. When were you last in a boat?

{{shudder}} I am really terrified of rowboats, canoes, etc. Like, totally white-knuckled in my life-vest. Beast has taken me rowing a couple of times in Maine, and it was sheer mind-over-matter that got me in that damn boat every time. I don't mind bigger boats, and I wouldn't have problems in a cruise I'm sure, but small boats scare me to death.