The Dating Profile Meme

(Link in meme-roll)
Moving Forward on the Journey

1. I have learned enough from past experiences to know what is important in life, and I have adopted the attitude of live, learn, grow, forgive and forget, and always keep moving forward through the journey.

Sounds great. Are you Buddhist? More importantly, are you for real? FYI: "always" is a very long time. At some point in "always" you're going to die. Sorry to be a downer.

2. Looking forward to a new chapter in my life.

Ooooooh! Book talk! In my experience, chapters tend to start after a horribly tense moment at the end of the previous chapter. I'm not fond of rebounding. So that negates the "ooooooh" factor entirely.

3. I've been in relationships with someone that would rather drink alcohol, rather than go to the gym.

So've I. Your point is ... what? Precisely.

4. I can be spontaneous and fun as long as we don't break the law.

Wow, now that is setting the bar admirably low. Or perhaps admirably high in what I'm thinking would be your life.

5. I'm a multifaceted, marketing & promotions professional with a number of unusual passions: open water swimming, growing a lettuce garden, cycling for fun, to raise money for charity, playing 18 holes on Saturdays, running two hours daily and listening to opera to name a few. I often arrive home to messages from my friends on my answering machine asking – where are you now?

Guys like you are the reason I had no interest in Ivy League universities, city boys, and coastal urban men. A "lettuce garden"? For REALZ? Oh, get over your big (hah!) bad metrosexual self, and keep moving. I'm not for you.

6. They always say nothing is not living for if it not dieing for.

Oh, yeah, you definitely need to find one of these other folks to glom onto rather than me.

7. Hello and welcome to my proile.

Goodbye and welcome to your spellcheck software.

8. I work in Germany flying around Europe. When I work I live in Berlin which is my home base. I spend about 5 months per year in this area as my father is living there. I grew up in both countries.

"When I work"?? WTF does that mean? Your pronoun use is confusing; is English your second (or third) language? What is "both countries"? I'm so lost. Glad you're flying around, not I!

9. I have also been told that I am the best kisser ever, and am laughed at for being a bit clumsy.

A clumsy kisser. Great. Let me check my health and life insurance policies ... ok, yeah, I'll have to pass on this, sorry. [not really]

10. If you have looked over my pictures and I’ve "charmed you with my smile", you have taken more than "30 seconds" to read over my profile and you would like to know about me and what I am looking for, you should drop everything and email me this minute.

If I drop everything, I won't be able to email you because my computer will be toast. Which it might be anyway based on the number of unnecessary quotation marks in use on your profile.