Some interesting questions here....really!

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1. If you woke up tomorrow morning and you were the opposite gender, what would be the first thing you'd do, and how would you spend the day?

Damn, if I woke up tomorrow morning as a guy in my house, I'd have to get up and snowblow first thing! In reality, on an average day, the first thing I'd have to do is pee (standing up!!) and then spend the day...uh...trying to figure out how to walk with that...thing...between my legs.

2. If you could travel back in time and visit or be a part of any era of time at all, what era would it be, and why?

I'd love to visit the 19th century western U.S., or Florence after Savonarola went away. I'd prefer to be a guy on those days. I don't want to live any other time permanently, however; I value the comforts of modern life too much.

3. If a TV producer approached you, and told you that you could write a show, what would your show be about, and who would star in it?

It would be about libraries, naturally and it would have to be a comedy (no one would believe it as a drama!) and star...oh, I dunno. A bunch of unknowns. It would NOT involve Andy Dick, ever, at any point.

4. If you could be invisible for a whole day, what would you do?

I'd probably lurk around behind people on the computers at work to see what they're doing and then fuck with 'em. Also, the whole idea of driving around while invisible makes me giggle.

5. Imagine if you only had one meal left, and you could after that, never eat again. What foods would you want to eat, if you knew it would be your last time that you could eat them?

It would certainly be a lengthy meal with dozens of courses including pasta and dessert and breakfast food and salads.

6. If you could completely get rid of one fashion trend that you personally don't like what would it be?

Surprisingly, yeah: I'd make boys wear belts and the RIGHT SIZE pants!

7. If you could dye your hair ANY colour, would colour would you choose?

I'm going for white; eventually I won't have to dye it anymore!

8. If you could look like any celebrity, who would choose and why?

A composite of several of them, including Sandra Bullock, Angelina Jolie, Julia Roberts, and the old version of Meg Ryan.

9. If you could spend one hour with ANYONE, (alive or dead) who would it be, and why?

Jesus, and I'd want to know just exactly what parts of the Gospels are verbatim.

10. If you won a million dollars in the lottery, what would you do with the money?

After paying the 50% in taxes? I'd pay off the house, buy new cars for Beast and me, and sock away the rest for Sparky's college fund.

11. If you could take someone's place in any movie, who would you like to be?

Bill Murray in Groundhog Day (but only if I can not be an asshole and also if I don't have to make hitting on Andie McDowell my be-all and end-all).

12. If you were offered an all-expenses paid two-week vacation to Disneyland with all your friends, or a life-time supply of chocolate, which would you choose?

I have no interest in Disneyland or chocolate forever. Oh, the quandary!! Can I take my friends somewhere else?

13. If World War 3 started, and nuclear bombs were being dropped in your country, what would be your first reaction?

If this were to happen, I'd be dead before I knew what was actually going on. At least, I hope so. We live near enough a major target that I'd hope we'd be hit early, often, and hard. I have no interest in surviving a nuclear attack.

14. If you were at the beach and you saw a tidal wave coming, what would you do?

I would certainly hope that after all the stuff on the Indian Ocean event of a few years ago, I'd be heading for higher ground as soon as the tide went out and not be watching the wave come in at all!

15. If you could tell one person ANYTHING, what would it be, and who would it be?

I'd tell several family members to leave me the fuck alone.

16. Would you rather have a McDonald's restaurant in your house or a Subway store?

Subway.

17. If you could visit one place in the world, where would you visit?

The Pyramids at Giza.

18. If you were given $5000 spending money, and could travel to any shopping destination in the world, where would you choose?

Feh. Can't be bothered.

19. If you saw your favourite celebrity in the street, what would be your first reaction?

Unless s/he was surrounded by paparazzi, I might not really recognize them, or believe my eyes. I'd sure as hell leave 'em alone.

20. If you could change your first name to anything you wanted, what would you change it to?

Rowena.
Don't ask.

21. If you had a choice of being either really rich, but unattractive, or poor and drop-dead gorgeous, which would you choose?

I'd rather keep my charming personality and stay right in the middle.

23. What's one feature of your appearance that you absolutely like?

I'm rather partial to my nose and ears.

24. If you were told today that you had only a month to live, what would be all the things you would do or say before you died?

I'd try to get to see all my family members one last time, but there is not enough space to write here all the things I'd like to say to them. Mostly, I would try to write down a lot of my thoughts for Sparky to read when he got older, and I'd try to take the time to just sit and be quiet with my friends and loved ones.

25. If you could change any part of your appearance, what would it be?

My teeth. OK, and my stomach.

26. If you had your own line of cosmetics, what would you call it, and what kind of products would you make?

I wouldn't because I don't wear makeup, can't wear eye products at all (the mere thought of it right now is repulsive with the trouble I've been having lately). I'd rather invest the money in something a little more important like malaria treatments or water filtration units.

27. If you had your own line of underwear, how would you design it?

Looks like there'll be even more money available for malaria treatment and filtration plants!

28. If you could completely destroy one place in the world (country, building, whatever) what would it be?

I'd like to get rid of all the nuclear weapons everywhere. If that's not allowed...how about let's get rid of Liberty University (and all it stands for).

29. If you had the choice of either having a huge rollercoaster in your backyard or a private movie theatre in your house, which would you choose?

Theatre. I wouldn't want the hassle or insurance nightmare of a rollercoaster.

30. If you could invite any celebrities to a party you were hosting, who would they be?

I wouldn't. No one would enjoy themselves.

31. If you were allowed to have ANY kind of animal you wanted, what would it be?

It would be sort of fun to have an alligator in our moat ... er, in the ditch in front of our house. I'd love to have a wolf, but it's not a matter of being allowed; I just think they need to be free, not kept as pets. The alligator, though, wouldn't be a pet.

32. If you could get cosmetic surgery and could only get one procedure done, what would choose if you only had 2 options: boob job or nose job?

I wouldn't do either at this stage. What's the point?

33. If someone you didn't find very attractive but who was really nice and lavished expensive gifts on their (former) girlfriends asked you out, would you turn them down?

Well, yeah! I'm married, and no one needs to buy me expensive shit to try to curry my favor. What century IS this, anyway?

34. If you could have one super power, what would it be?

Knowing the right course of action in important circumstances. Is that allowed?

35. If you could be any kind of toy, what toy would you be?

A slinky! (I crack myself up)

36. If you could be a)Tara Reid, b)Shannon Elizabeth, or c)Jennifer Love Hewitt who would you most like to be?

The only really appealing one is c), but I'd prefer not to be any of them.

37. If you could have ANY celebrity's wardrobe, who would you choose?

Sandra Bullock's. Oh, wait, I pretty much already do (except for the fancy gowns).

38. If you could make any kind of movie, what would your movie be about, and who would ask to star in it?

It would be a comedy. And a tragedy. And it would have people no one has ever heard of in it, but they would shame some of the shit-crapass Hollywood "actors" into submission with their dramatic skills.

39. If you could be in any music video of your choice, what would it be?

The Paul Simon "You Can Call Me Al" video.

40. If a genie appeared to you and gave you three wishes, what would you ask for?

No more starving children in the world, a cure for AIDS, and instant sterilization for everyone in the Bush family.

41. If you could commit any crime and totally get away with it, what would you do?

Like I'm going to give it away HERE!! ;-)

42. Would you rather go to school from a)12:00pm to 6:00pm, or b)4:00pm to 10:00pm, or c)10:00am to 4:00pm, or d)6:00am to 12:00pm?

All other things being equal, d). But I'm not planning on going back to (this kind of) school EVER!

43. If you could design your own line of clothing, how would you design it?

I wouldn't.

44. If you had the choice of the world's best mobile phone or a 90-minute shopping spree in your favourite store, what would you choose?

I'd buy the damn phone in my shopping spree! Du-uh!

45. If you could get any tattoo, or any piercing of your choice without any limitations, what would you get?

I've got what I need, thanks.

46. If you were on a desert island with one person only, who would that person be?

MacGyver (a.k.a. Beast).

47. If you were able to swap lives with ANYONE, who would you swap with?

Is this a permanent swap? If so, then no one. If it's temporary, I'd like to swap with almost anyone age 4-6 in this neighborhood, just for a few days!

48. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

Somewhere warm with good scenery, good internet connection, and good medical facilities.

49. What concert would you most like to go to?

Nicole Mullens.

50. If you could ask the following people only one question, what would it be? (most of 'em would be encompassed by "WTF, dude?" but...)
a) Michael Jackson: What the hell happened? Can't you just make a fucking record and stop being a fool?
b) Britney Spears: What is it, exactly, that you are looking for?
c) President Bush: Are you really, really, as stupid as you act?
d) The Pope: Is that your real name? Ratzinger? REALLY?!
e) Brad Pitt: ...Uhhhh....? Can I just stand here, please?
f) Kermit the Frog: Isn't it easier being green nowadays?
g) Eminem: So, Kim: marry her for keeps, or drop her in a ditch somewhere?
h) Mariah Carey: Can't you please please please please just go the fuck away?!
i) Cameron Diaz: Can you teach me to surf even if I can't swim?
j) Jerry Seinfeld: Is your voice ALWAYS annoying, or only when you talk?
k) Homer Simpson: Donut?
l) Bill Clinton: Is it even remotely possible for you to shut the hell up once in awhile? Jeez, dude, I know you're smart, but SHUT IT!!
m) Marilyn Manson: You know you aren't the first male musician to go by the name "Marilyn" right? I have proof.
n) Sharon Osbourne: Can you understand him, really?
o) Mike Myers: Huh? Sorry, I was dozing.
p) Mr Bean: Here's a thought: no.
q) Madonna: Can't you get that gap between your teeth fixed? Otherwise, you go girl!
r) Elvis Presely [sic]: So, how does it feel to be almost 80 years old?
s) Marilyn Monroe: Were you a feminist?
t) Cher: Have you managed to get rid of most of the tats?
u) Elton John: Are these glasses too small for my face? Honestly?
v) Pamela Anderson: How are the kids?
w) Anna Nicole-Smith: Was it worth it?
x) Jennifer Lopez: Can you find somewhere to disappear with your hideously ugly husband, please? Thanks.
y) John Edwards: Will you be running in 2012?
z) Jerry Springer: Are you deep down inside proud of yourself?

51. If you had the choice would you rather be Marilyn Monroe for a day or Madonna?

Seeing as how Marilyn's dead and didn't seem all that happy, I'll choose Madonna.

52. If you could be any character in the Simpsons, who would you be?

Lisa, or possibly Marge.

53. If you could live with any celebrity, who would it be and why?

I'd rather have ringworm than live with a celebrity.

54. What in your opinion is the greatest song ever made?

Ever "made"?? What, like pressed ham? Probably one of the greatest songs ever written is Happy Birthday. Short, sweet, easy to sing, and just as popular now as it was 100 years ago.

55. If you could live under the sea or up in the clouds, where would you choose?

I can't swim, so it looks like the clouds for me. And that's fine, as long as there's a heat source nearby.

56. If you punch any celebrity in the face, who would it be?

Meh. Like I'd go to jail for something this lame? Not that I haven't wanted to smack Tom Cruise around over the past couple of years.

57. Answer just Yes (like it) or No (don't like it) for the following songs: (Or ??? in my case for the ones I don't know)
a) Dirrrty-Christina Aguilera: yeah
b) St Anger-Metallica: ???
c) American Life-Madonna: ???
d) Baby One More Time-Britney Spears: yeah
e) Stop-The Spice Girls: ???
f) It's my Life-Bon Jovi: yeah
g) Mobscene-Marilyn Manson: ??? but no
h) Rock Your Body-Justin Timberlake: I thought that was BSB!! In which case, yes.
i) Sing for the moment-Eminem: ???
j) Barenaked-Jennifer Love Hewitt: ???
k) Gangstas Paradise-Coolio: No
l) Country Grammar-Nelly: ???
m) Complicated-Avril Lavigne: YES.
n) Underneath your clothes-Shakira: ??? but probably yeah
o) In da club-50 cent: ??? but not likely
p) Through the Rain-Mariah Carey: ??? but NO!
q) My heart will go on-Celine Dion: feh...no
r) I got you babe-Cher and Sonny [sic]: heee!!! yeah
s) All the things she said-Tatu: ???
t) Jenny from the block-Jennifer Lopez: No
u) Stole-Kelly Rowland: ???
v) Lose Yourself-Eminem: ???
w) Work it-Missy Elliot: ???
x) Billie Jean-Michael Jackson: No
y) I can't get you out of my head-Kylie Minogue: ???
z) I will always love you-Whitney Houston: I'd rather listen to p) or q) forever instead--NO!!!!

58. What is the one movie you wish you could memorize word for word?

Heathers, but I sorta already have.

59. If you could be a model for a)Underwear, or b)Lipstick, or c)Perfume, or d)Jeans, which would you choose?

Perfume.

60. Rate the following movies 1 to 10, and if you haven't seen them just put a / (dash)
a) Charlie's Angels: /
b) The Terminator: 6
c) The Mexican: /
d) Legally Blonde: /
e) Tomb Raider: /
f) The Exorcist: /
g) American Pie: /
h) Ocean's Eleven: 8
i) Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Sorcerer's Stone: 7
j) The Brady Bunch Movie: /
k) Clueless: /
l) Scream: /
m) Scary Movie 2: /
n) Not Another Teen Movie: /
o) Fast and the Furious: /
p) Titanic: 7
q) Pearl Harbour: /
r) Toy Story: 8
s) Shrek: 8
t) Crossroads: /
u) Blair Witch Project: /
v) Matilda: /
w) Sister Act: 5
x) Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery: /
y) X men: /
z) Vanilla Sky: /
a) There's Something About Mary: /
b) Meet the Parents: /
c) Zoolander: 1
d) Cruel Intentions: /
e) I Know What You Did Last Summer: /
f) The Sweetest Thing: /
g) Men In Black: 9
h) Independence Day: /

61. Type a one word opinion of the following people:
Your mother: Old
Marge Simpson: Hair
President Bush: Embarrassing
Saddam Hussein: Criminal
Eminem: Slim
Angelina Jolie: Pregnant
Mariah Carey: Vomit
The Osbournes: Hilarious
Pamela Anderson: Aging
Will Smith: Adorable
Brad Pitt: Lips
Geri Halliwell: Helen (Wheels)
The Queen of England: Outdated
Oscar the Grouch: Garbage
Cher: Sonny
Eddie Murphy: "Roxanne"
Bill Clinton: Mouthy
Jerry Springer Idjit
Ned Flanders: Simpons? (I think)
Cartman from South Park: Bratty
Al Bundy (Married With Children): Whipped
Greg Brady: Spaz
The American Idol: Stupid

62. What's your opinion on:
HIV/AIDS: Preventable and treatable...so why are so many children (not to mention adults) dying of it??
War: A sign of failure.
Australia: Lovely people.
Homosexuality: None of my business.
Religion: Only the really stupid stuff and the crazies make the news, which is really annoying.
Beauty: True beauty is easy to find if you know what to look for.
Murder: Bad, bad, bad.
Suicide: Is also really not anyone else's business, but has such a huge impact on those left behind.
Love: We need another word or two for the feelings of love we have. I love my friends differently from my husband, and I love art and nature and babies differently that either of the other ways.
Poverty: Sometimes, being poor is a choice.
Famine: Why ARE all those people still dying in Darfur? This has been going on now for what, three years??
Sex before marriage: It happens. It's not the end of the world, but it also shouldn't be so cheap in my opinion.
Porn Stars: Making a living.
Theft: Lazy shitheads.
Eating disorders: I'm torn between feeling badly for people who suffer from these things and wanting to shake them till they start seeing straight again!
Abortion: Is NOT birth control, unless there is no access to birth control. And anyway, it's really none of my business.
Rape: Is not the victim's fault. Ever.
Violence: Scares me.
Cancer: Welcome to 1994 and 2008.
TV: "A vast wasteland..."
Celebrities: Fluff.
Hollywood: Old school.
Friends: The family you get to choose
Family: Hopefully, some of them end up being friends too.

63. When you see old people with wrinkly skin and gray hair, do you fear aging?

I love old women's wrinkly faces. They look soft. I don't fear those signs of aging at all. It's the internal issues that worry me.

64. If you could create the ultimate theme park, what would you call it, where would you want it to be, and what type of rides would you have in it?

It wouldn't have any PEOPLE in it, that's for sure. It's one of the things I find the most annoying about amusement parks is the whole standing-in-endless-lines thing. But I'm not a big theme park person anyway.

65. Have you ever been on a rollercoaster, and felt your safety harness loosening?

Nope, for which I'm very grateful!

66. If you went to a fortune teller, what would you want to know about the future or the present?

I'd like to know if Sparky ends up happy as an adult.

67.Do you believe in God? Do you think God is male or female, or both?

Or neither. Or all of the above. I think gender is a construct that God doesn't really have to worry about; it's human language that can't wrap God up without defining one way or the other. And, yeah: I do believe in God.

68. What's more appealing: lying on the beach on a hot summer day with the sound of the ocean crashing, or lying in front of a fireplace on a cold winter's night?

Beach. I'm pretty much over the Romance of Winter. eeecccchhhhhhh

69. If you made a song, would it be a slow ballad, r&b hip-hop tune, rap, dance, upbeat, or easy listening?

There's that "made" thing again...! If I wrote a song, it would probably be slow, ballad-y.

70. What is your all-time favourite quote?

"What is your damage , Heather?!"

71. Who inspires you?

In no particular order: Sparky, Jean, Trudie, Vera, my mom....

72. Do you believe your dreams have significance?

Yes, to me they do. They aren't the kind that will change the world, though!

73. What can you tell from a person, just by looking at them? What feature gives away their personality in your opinion?

Posture, the way someone carries him- or herself, gives it all away to me.

74. If you could be a character in any TV show, which character/show would you choose?

I'd like to be Beverly Crusher, only without the dorky teenage son!

75. If a friend you've known for a long time and like a lot asked you to go out with them, would you turn them down?

If I were single, no. But as things stand, that would pretty much end the friendship.

76. What body part do you sometimes take for granted?

My stomach. I send a lot of junk down and my little GI tract gets right to work and rarely complains.

77. If you were diagnosed with a treatable cancer, would you fight for your life, or would you crumble, and let the illness defeat you?

Nope, there'd be some major fighting going on. Bring on the needles!!

78. Are you confident when getting up and speaking in front of a crowd?

If I know what I'm talking about, yes. If I don't feel besieged, yes. Generally, I'm pretty much ok with speaking to crowds.

79. Would you like to be celebrity if it meant constantly having to watch what you say and what you do and have your privacy taken from you. Is it really worth it?

No. It's not. And I'm not at all interested in living this way.