The Survey Place

Growing Up Survey

What were your parents like before you were born?

Middle-aged. They thought they were done, with their oldest in college. Huh. Before that they were young, adorable, and in love.

Was there anything unusual about your birth?

I was due on my dad's birthday, Nov. 5. My mom drank a bottle of castor oil around Nov. 10 and I slid out on two days later. Two of my friends from high school were born that same day, at hte same hospital.

Did you have siblings at that time? How old were they?

I had three older sisters (20, 17, and 14) and a brother 10 years older than me.

What is your earliest memory about your house?

We had some really weird 50s-style pine-tree-colored living room furniture which I only remember because of a nightmare they were in when I was about 4.

What is your happiest childhood memory?

Swinging, jumping rope, playing jacks, batting a tennis ball agains the garage door, reading. I had a good childhood.

What event in your childhood had the most impact on your life as an adult?

Probably my sister's illness, most of which I don't actually remember.

What is your first memory about school?

Sitting on the lines on the floor of the kindergarten classroom for attendance. I was in the back of my row. Guess where in the alphabet I was?

Who was your favorite teacher?

I liked almost all of my teachers. The one I wanted most to be like was Miss Groff/Mrs. Morley.

What was your favorite subject in school?

All of 'em. When I was little, I was a sponge.

What do you wish you would have learned more about in school?

I have no complaints about my earliest education. None at all.

What schoolmate had the most impact on your life? In what way?

The most impact? I was best friends with Laura from Kindergarten through high school. I'd say that would be some major impact.

Who was your first best friend? How did they influence your life?

My first best friend was Laura (a different one, though). Then she turned out to be a bitch; my first experience with betrayal, at age 6.

What is your first memory about high school?

You know, I can't remember most of the first semester of my sophomore year except for marching, marching, marching...to prepare for the Tournament of Roses Parade.

What did you learn about yourself in high school?

That I was smart. Smarter than most people. And completely uninterested in most of what the 'normal' teens were doing: drinking, fucking, and passing out.

What was the first moment you felt truly grown up?

I was probably about 25 when that happened. I never felt grown up; part of the deal with been so much younger than the rest of my siblings.

One Christmas when all my parents grandchildren were there (probably 6 of them), I got to help fill the stockings. I felt grown-up then; I was probably 18.

What was the first moment you felt independent?

When I flew 2 hours away from home to my first week of college.

How old were you when you began to drive?

I was the traditional 15-and-3/4 when I got my learner's permit, but I didn't get my first actual license till about 4 months after my 16th birthday, on the first time I took the test.

Who gave you your first kiss?

R0n Mart!nez. My first real kiss, on a date, was my high school boyfriend whose name I'm so NOT mentioning here!

Who was your first love?

I had a lot of crushes. The first guys that I really liked beyond their looks, liked as friends, were Warren and my boyfriend's brother. I always thought I was dating the wrong brother, frankly....

What were your first experiences with sex like?

Huh. Lack of knowledge and experience is the pits. That's all I'm a-gonna say.

Who was the first person you wanted to marry?

I have no idea. I ran through so many, and I had a genius imagination, too. hee

What is your best memory as a teenager with your friends?

Packing about 8 people into a circa-1978 Honda Civic along with our book bags and band instruments (two trombones and several flutes) so John could drive everyone home. We were perfectly safe: no one could move a centimeter.

What was the best party you went to when you were a teenager? What made it the best?

The one at Warren's house while my dad was hospitalized. Warren walked me home; he was high, I was drunk. But he was still a gentleman. And gorgeous. And...sigh.

What was your first job?

Besides babysitting, which I did all through high school for our neighbors across the street on bowling night...I was a page at the library.

How much was your first paycheck and what did you do with it?

I have no idea, but I know that minimum wage was $2.85/hour. That was 1980. It went up to $3.15/hour before I stopped working there.

What were your thoughts about college when you were in high school?

Could. Not. Wait. To. Get. There.

What schooling did you go to after high school?

I went to a small Presbyterian college (the PCUSA gave me a scholarship to be used at a Presbyterian school) about 1000 miles from home. When I graduated from it, I went directly to grad school in Milwaukee for three semesters.

What did you think you would do with your life after you graduated high school?

I had no idea. None. Just get out of my hometown. I wasn't sure I wanted to teach since everyone else in my family had done so.

What did you think about marriage and kids when you graduated from high school?

Waa-a-a-a-aay in the future. Actually, my intention was to adopt. So much for that plan....

What did you do on your 21st birthday? Who was with you?

Beast and I celebrated both of our birthdays together in my dorm room with friends. I have pictures. We look really really young (we were).

What other important relationships did you have after high school?

My second-oldest sister and I got to be good friends; she was my nearest relative from freshman year until she died. I made some lifetime friends in college: Jenny, Beast, Sherri, Jon, Linda. I started developing a relationship with myself for the first time, which was critical for my future development. And I figured out that it was ok to be friends with teachers.

Which one of your parents are you most like?

Oooh, that's a killer. I remember the moment that I figured out that the reason Mom and I didn't get along is our similarity: I was about 12. I'm a lot like my dad, though too. Hopefully more like him than Mom.

How have you surprised yourself?

I stand up for myself more than I ever expected I'd be able to when I was a shy, scared kid.

What have you done that you never thought you would do?

Traveled in Russia and China, given birth... Not lived in Colorado for over 25 years.

What was the greatest challenge of your life so far?

Learning to control my temper (still working on that), and raising my son. Especially the latter.

Who do you wish you could see again?

My sister, my dad, and my grandmas.

Who was the lost love of your life?

Smile. Does not apply.

What word would you most like people to associate with you?

What I'd like: reliable. What is more likely: practical.

How old were you when you started to accept your own value?

I can almost tell you the date: January 1985, in the restaurant in the airport in Moscow, when I wanted so much to go home. Thank God I had a good friend who talked me into spending ten days in Italy instead.

In retrospect, who was the biggest influence on your life? Was the influence positive or negative?

Dad: Positive. Mom: er, I'd call it a wash.

What is great about your life right now?

We live a very comfortable life. Beast and I have jobs we enjoy most of the time, and a kid we enjoy the majority of the time. We are very very very fortunate people, with family and friends we can count on, and nothing much to complain about. We have a growing faith in God, and a deepening relationship with each other.

What could be better about your life?

I could stop griping about everything that doesn't go perfectly my way. Sparky could be any age but one that ends in -teen.

What things are you doing to make your life better right now?

I'm willing to do something about my SAD: hello, anti-depressants!!

What is your family like now?

What are we like? The three of us are generally a good unit. My family of origin is a train wreck: the healthiest people are my 63-year-old sister and me. The next generation is something I take pride in even though I had damn little to do with make it pride-worthy.

What do you think the future holds for you?

Old age (I hope) and grandchildren. A career that I don't kill myself over. Volunteer opportunities. Fun. Challenge.