Snarky Meme

from Lisa

Have you had sex in the past 24 hours?
Nope.
Are you gay?
Nope.
Do you have hairy legs?
Not in the summer, mostly.
Do you smoke anything?
Only my brain when I'm angry.
Do you like monkeys?
Yes, I do. I think they're very cute, especially the little ones. I find the chimpanzees fascinating; they look--and act!--so much like people at the library!
How many fillings do you have?
I think I have an average of one per tooth in each uncrowned tooth (except the front ones).
Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?
Ocean. But since I can't swim, it's more like wading in the ocean.
Have you ever licked one of those square batteries?
No. But I know what happens when you do (and they are 9 volt ones, the ones in your smoke detectors).
Have you ever read the Bible?
Shockingly, no, I've never made it all the way through, but I've read most of it.
Did you ever go to Sunday School?
Yes, every Sunday when I was a kid, until junior high when I started helping in the toddler room instead.
Do you wear a lot of black?
I wear some black, but not enough to be anything like goth.
Did you ever bring a weapon to school?
I'm 42. In my day, we could actually bring silverware to school...in fact they gave out silverware, not plastic utensils! People usually had pocketknives at school, too, including me, sometimes. But I never considered them "weapons."
Have you ever hugged a tree?
Of course. I've hugged a lot of trees, especially as a child. I especially like to hug pine trees, the ones with branches only up high. But I'll hug a maple in a pinch.
Do you know what a sphincter actually is?
Yup. What a strange question! I even know where about three of them are in my body!
Describe your hair?
Tonight, it's reddish-brown with an ash undertone (overtone?). You can't see ANY of the gray! Woot! It's fairly straight, as it was blown out today. Normally, it's got a serious wave; when it's short, it's outta control.
Are you a wild beast?
Dude! That's my husband's job! Why else would I call him "Beast"??
Do you like to have fun?
No, I'd really rather be depressed.
Of course I do--what a goofy question.
Do you like drama?
No. I have some theories about drama, based on friends with similar backgrounds to my mother's. I evade drama for the most part. I don't want to live in interesting times....
Do you like mayonnaise?
Depends on the use it's put to...
Good in potato and tuna salads. Bad...uhm, elsewhere.
Are you afraid to die?
Not afraid, but not in any hurry, either.
Do you like playing in leaves?
I do this once a year, and immediately remember why I don't do more of it: {achoo!} {ACHOOOO!} for the rest of the day. Leaf mold.
Have you ever peed your pants as an adult?
Lisa asked to define "pee your pants." I'm asking for a definition of "adult."
Yes, I b'lieve I have.
Have you ever thrown up on somebody as an adult?
No. Though when I gave birth, there was a lot of vomiting and I have no idea where it went. I was a teensy bit preoccupied.
Are you an adult?
Most of the time.
Ever won a spelling bee?
No. We never had spelling bees at my schools; we were "too progressive" for that. But I was a good speller.
Do you ever eat because you were depressed?
If things are absolutely horrible, I can't eat. When they are just 'unpleasant' I can't stop eating.
Are you a television addict?
No. But I live with at least one of them. {sigh}
Do you think OJ was guilty?
He was, is, and will be, in my opinion. It'll all get sorted out in the end, and not by me.
Do you enjoy spending time with your mother?
My mom and I have always had a tricky relationship. I categorically do NOT enjoy my time with her now; it's difficult, more so than ever. We had moments of goodness together in the past, but that time is over.
Have you ever had sex in a hot tub?
No I haven't. I'd manage somehow to hurt someone.
Do you like Elvis?
His early stuff was good, and his voice always stayed pretty good to the end. But, he's just a singer/entertainer. He's not freakin' God, and he's definitely NOT alive.
Do you enjoy watching animals "do it" on the Discovery channel?
I've never actually caught the right program, I think. And I always thought this song was ridiculously stupid, worse than "I'm Too Sexy."
Ever been hit on at a zoo?
Hmmmm, I don't think so. I never actually noticed, so....
Have you ever had sex with a total stranger?
Nope. Count me NOT among the stupid.
Do you enjoy the calming effects of turkeys?
I'm assuming this refers to the after-effects of eating Thanksgiving dinner. I never have had the opportunity to enjoy the calming effects. I'm usually stacking dirty dishes, washing and/or drying dishes/pots/pans, and prepping dessert.
Does your mom think someone is hot?
My mom's interests right now revolve around standing up, sitting down, eating, and taking her meds. Oh, and having her hair done. "Hotness" is a complete non-issue.
Are you a sugar freak?
Yes. Oh, boy, YES!
Ever been arrested?
I'm quoting Lisa's answer, verbatim: "No. I’ve never even been handcuffed. I’ve never been arrested."
Ever commit a crime and get away with it?
Only minor misdemeanors: theft, speeding, etc.
Do you like orange juice?
If it's fresh and not overly pulpy.
What sign are you?
Scorp.
Where do you wish you were right now?
Here and now is good. Sitting by Sparky with Beast across the room as we watch the History Channel's program on 9/11.
Did you enjoy this?
Sure. If I hadn't, I wouldn't have finished it.

[I have not spell-checked, or reviewed this, due to the close proximity of Sparky, so my apologies for weird grammar and oddly-phrased answers. Then again, you might not even notice!!]