Five on Friday

Ice Breakers

We've all been there. Those gatherings where you don't seem to know anyone well. You're trying to make small talk and that usually means questions. What do you ask? How do you answer?

1. How do you respond when asked "So, what do you do?"

"I work at the library." If they want to get specific, or if they say they've never seen me, I explain that I mostly work in the back adding the new materials to the collection.

It's fascinating to see the reaction: I either get blank stares and a quick change in conversation, or the other person's eyes light up.

2. What about the classic "Where are you from?"

"I grew up in Denver."

By the way, for either of these questions, if there is no immediate engagement in conversation with my answer, I usually shoot back the question to the otehr person.

3. What other questions are you frequently asked at parties and other gatherings and how do you answer them?

"How long have you lived here [in the area]?" usually comes up. Mostly, to be honest, I tend to ask more questions, or listen in on others' conversations at parties.

Oh, and we almost always end up talking about kids: how many, how old, funny things they've done/said lately.

4. Are there any questions or topics that make you cringe?

I steer very far around politics. Religion doesn't bother me too much; I just nod and smile. Sex is always good for at least one joke.

Frankly, I also don't like it when people start talking about "Great Books They've Read" because I either think they're favorite books are crap (and they always ask, "Don't you love her/his stuff?") or I find out they are really into some very esoteric field, like dressing up and re-fighting the Revolutionary War. OK, around here it's usually the Civil War. This means they've read absolutely EVERYthing on the topic and can't understand why I'm not aware of the books.

When Sparky was little, there were interminable conversations on potty training, teething, issues du jour which bore me to fucking TEARS. They did then, too, I hasten to add. I'm not talking about general discussion, but all those stories about how wonderful/easy/horrible/endless that stage is/was.... {{yawn}}

5. What is your strategy for breaking the ice?

I've had to train myself with forethought to walk up to people and say hi. I just put on my "I'm At Work" persona and start. It helps to ask where the drinks cooler is, or where to put used plates. Talking about the food is usually safe. The only way around the social awkwardness is to not think about yourself.

Geez, now I'm beginning to have the creeping paranoia that I used to have a parties. I hadn't realized how much of this I'd internalized to make social occasions bearable.

I've actually never had that much of a problem at most parties, but there have been a couple of instances where, after 45 minutes of mingling and chatting, I realize that there is literally no one around interested in chatting, there's no one here I like, there's no reason for me to stay any longer. One of these was the wedding reception two summers ago, which went on and on and on (for about 9 hours) and I really thought I was going to die there: of boredom, annoyance, and pettiness. Hello "No Exit" and thank you, Mr. Sartre.