The Dating Profile Meme

(Link in meme-roll)
Time is on My Side

1. "Time" is a very important factor to me.

"Time" as a factor...sounds like math--are you a physicist? Otherwise, why put the word in quotes? Who, or what, are you quoting?

2. I am very close with my family and certain friends. So hopefully everybody can get along. If not, pretend you do.

Uhm. If you really are that close with family that you want your new friends to pretend...uh, wow. No. This is all wrong, just so very wrong. I'm going to pretend that I never read it.

3. I apologize ahead of time if it's blunt but i'm tired of the games.

How is that blunt? Are you one of those people who "apologizes" all the time for stuff you really have no sorrowful feelings about at all? (and that is the proper use of quotes to emphasize by the way, Person #1)

4. I'll never settle and I'll always be honest and upfront. Sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes that's a bad thing.

I would PAY CASH to see you and #2 to go to a family picnic together. #2's family, that is.

5. I believe the energy you give, is the energy you will receive.

Unless it's the energy that's leaking out of a broken pipe under water. Then it's just going to kill things.

6. I have a large family....15 children in my family, so I have 43 nieces and nephews of which I will boast that I am a godparent to 8 of them!

So, really, there are more than 15 children. I think you mean you have 14 siblings...but yeah, wow, this is a really nice warning that if people reading this don't like kids you are NOT the person to call. Or a really nice advertisement to pedophiles. One of those.

7. I am always willing to step outside of my box to continue learning and exploring, and, so, I hope you would be willing to do that as well!

So you're the guy who comes in the library all the time, the one who lives under the train tracks in a fridge box! Hi, nice to see all of you again--which personality is in charge today?

8. You Say Tomato, I say Tomatoe. Who Cares?

I do. One of those is wrong, and I'm glad to see that you even gave me the right one.

9. On a typical day I work long hours, walk my dog then enjoy grilling out in my backyard with a glass of wine.

You GRILL your DOG?! What kind of wine goes with THAT?!

10. I definitely believe in love at first sight! Although I think it's rare, I know it's possible. I fully expect it to happen soon.

Expectations have a way of not working out as, well, as expected. Dial it down, honey.