The Dating Profile Meme

(Link in meme-roll)
The Dog Out of the Car Window

1. I smile every time I see a dog with its head out a car window.

Odd: and I always think about the damage that a badly-timed gravel rocket would do it a dog with its head out the window.

2. I'm been separated for close to a year and just would like to hang out and meet new people.

Sounds like you already are "hanging out" if you're literally "separated." [Sorry: too easy.]

3. If I had a nickel for every time I sneezed I’d be rich.

...and how is this going to get you a date? Seriously. You need help in ways I can't even begin to list.

4. Because of my hair products I usually smell like coconuts.

Because of the existence of Vicky's, I smell like perfume.

5. As for who I am looking for I would like to meet someone who can share some of the activities I love as well as teach me new things.

Look, if I wanted to be a teacher, I had every opportunity to follow that career path. I have a son and he is sucking all desire for being an educator out of me. Look ANYwhere else, ok?

6. We are the crowd, we're c-comin' out.

Wow, you visit my library a lot, don't you? I recognize all of your personalities.

7. Everyone is looking to be loved and to love someone but I guess I want more than that.

You sound very definite...NOT! Feh, go away.

8. My favorite things to do is spending every free moment with family and friends. Unfortunately most of my friends and family don't live even remotely near by because I'm new to this area.

"Even remotely near"? So, wait: you WANT to spend time with family and friends, but you MOVED away from them? Right. Because of the economy? Right. [Note that I'm note even addressing that messed-up first sentence.]

9. Life has thrown me a curve ball and sucked the air out of me completely. So, I'm looking for friendship at first and what will be, will be.

Mix those metaphors! Mix, mix, mix!  Throw in some clichés! Bake at 350 for 10 minutes. Lookee: instant existentialism!

10. Have a heart of gold but just no one to share it with.

Who told you about your golden heart, then? Or are you saying you diagnosed it yourself? I don't EVER trust self-diagnosers.