Sunday Stealing

(Link in meme-roll)
The "What If" Meme

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

Really? Wow, this is awesome, but I'm horrible at making decisions.... Let's go with, uhm, the latest financial dude to have received a six-figure bonus for Christmas.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?

If this is retroactive, I'd like to get rid of Marilyn Manson.

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

Dick Cheney. Karl Rove. Rush Limbaugh. Y'know, come to think of it: aren't they all the same person? They do resemble each other, no?

4. What is your favorite cheese?

Wensleydale!! It is lovely-tasting, to go with the funny.

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?

Cheese (Wensleydale, of course), Ruffles, margarine, and white bread.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?

Er, does it have to be someone still alive?
But here's the problem: it has to be someone who is currently not in a stable relationship, because I just couldn't do that to a wife/girlfriend. And, unfortunately, the guys I find the most attractive are pretty much all in stable relationships. So, I'll pass. Thanks for the offer, though.

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?

Same problem as above. My first choices are all married. Or gay.

8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?

Shoes! Or, more realistically: BOOKS!

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Ydra. Or anyplace else quiet and warm.

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?

Upgrade my lodging, duh.

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…?

I'm pretty sure only someone of the Irish persuasion believes in angels delivering alcohol. But if a non-angel offered this, I would have Stoli, please.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?

Wait, I definitely am ONLY visiting, right?? If so, I'd like to visit my grandparents' homestead in Colorado, c. 1921. I could meet all 3 of my aunts and see my dad as a little kid. And I'd return home before it all went completely to hell.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

If you annoy me, you have to leave. At least temporarily.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise?

I would love to see variety shows return. I don't care, really, who hosts it but it definitely has to be someone funny and organized and clever.

15. What is your favorite curse word?

Lately, it's been 'shit'.

16. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

I'd get up and find the joker who stood the mummies around my bed. Or call the cops. Yeah, maybe that's a better idea. Mummies don't scare me, but whoever lugged 'em into the house for display--that is a little weird.

17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item?

One of my grandparents' Bibles. Or Mom's Bible.

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?

{shudder} This is a very creepy meme. I'd check over my will and leave directions for my funeral, and then hug my family hard and tell them I love them.

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be?

Invisibility.

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Getting married. I think the ceremony was about half a hour, and I have virtually no memory of it.

21.You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

. . .
Everything I start to type, I have to delete because the experience taught me something important. So, maybe I'd just change the last 6 months of my sister's life and spend WAY more time with her.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now?

If this has to be a permanent place to call home: Canada. If Canada's not available, I'd hit Scotland, England, or Denmark. In that order.

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?

Well, it sure wouldn't be an Intourist bar, yo. [Are those even still extant? prolly not, thank God.] Otherwise, I don't care. Bars don't really do it for me--I'd rather drink at home or with meals. Or both.

24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like “Dude, check it out…I can FLOAT!”?

Amy's. I could hang around outside her kitchen window and freak her the fuck out. If it were daytime, her landlords and their customers would get to participate in freaking out, too.

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?

Presumably, they come back to life at the peak of their powers? Janis Joplin, and I'd take her directly to rehab, and then get her a good recording contract.

26. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

Again, would they necessarily be at top form? Otherwise, no dice. If so, then Ellen. She's owed a few more years, and her kids need some sense knocked into them.

27. What’s your theme song?

I only get one song?? OK, then: "One".