Can't Live Without It

from the Gerb

This week's Chicago Tribune Magazine "Can't Live Without It" feature comes from "new-age striptease artist (or if you prefer, burlesque revivalist)" Dita Von Teese. Never heard of her? You're lucky--she's married to Marilyn Manson, and her shows run up to $50,000 per. And her pearls of wisdom...:

1. Lilacs, violets: I grew up in a home that was surrounded by lilac trees. And I adore the scent of violets.


2. Stephen Jones hats: He makes hats for Dior couture and nearly every major designer.


3. Brasserie Lipp in Paris: I go there for my favorite dessert--a mound of whipped egg whites with a caramelized burnt sugar crust.


4. Bespoke Wedgwood: With our wedding monogram.


5. Moschino, John Galliano, Roland Mouret, Nina Ricci, Rodarte: I couldn't choose one, but I own more Moschino than anything else.


6. 1939 Chrysler New Yorker: I have had this car since the early '90s. I bought it to drive out to the swing dance clubs.


7. Betty Grable: My favorite movie star of the 1940s. I loved the Technicolor musicals and she was the queen of them. I am more influenced by her than any other star or by burlesque itself.


8. Champagne with a splash of violet: I buy violet and rose liqueurs at Fauchon in Paris.


9. Freeze-dried pineapple: Healthy, super sweet.


10. Mariage Freres tea: No coffee!


11. Max Raabe: He played at our wedding and is the world's finest '30s-style musician.


12. Pink KitchenAid mixer: My kitchen is pink and black boudoir style with big Swarovski crystal chandeliers.

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Taking my tone from the above, 12 Things I "Cannot Live Without":

1. dwarf sanseveria, which is a houseplant also called "mother-in-law's tongue". It has several oval leaves (about 5 inches long) that come to a point at the tip--hence the "tongue" sobriquet--and grows in a bulb, much like an onion. There are variegated types, and 'golden', but I prefer the solid green variety. I have three pots of them, currently, and had around 20 when I owned a house.


2. Silly hats. I don't wear them--I hang them on the wall in my office. The first hat that I bought was an Australian bush hat, kind of like the one that Crocodile Dundee used to wear, with the one side snapped up and the other side down. We used to use it when we played 3-Man, in college. There is also a Jughead hat; a very 80s "picture hat" a la Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman; a crystal tiara; a straw cowboy hat (which is waaay too big for my head); a sort of "Calendar Girls" black hat with feathers; a black beret; and a black fedora, thanks to SR. I have a dozen baseball caps, too, but they aren't displayed.


3. Pie from Baker's Square. I don't eat there very often, and when I do, I have a tendency to order the same thing. But I do really like their pie. I almost always order either that Peanut Butter-Chocolate thing, whatever it's called, or the strawberry-rhubarb.


4. The beer glasses that I stole from Shorty's, Chuck's, and Brother's in the old hometown. The glasses are nothing special, but the memories (what remains in my alcohol-weakened mind) make up for that.


5. The obscenely short, profusely tight black skirt that K bought for me this weekend. It isn't a brand name, and it isn't something that I would wear 'out'. Well, prehaps 'out' but certainly not anywhere that anyone I know would see me. Hee hee. And the price was right.


6. You know, I don't really have a "dream car". A car's a car, really; mine gets me where I need to go, and it functions properly. What would I do with an extra $20,000+? I would replace K's car, definitely. I would get a pickup. Something that looks--and sounds--mean as hell, but that has a perfect engine. So when he's wandering the countryside, I wouldn't have to wonder if he would return (at least because of the car!)


7. Ava Gardner. Class.


8. I've never been fond of Champagne, nor any sparkling wine. It's been ages since I've drunk mixed drinks. In fact, I haven't had any alcohol since the last time that r and I went to Claddagh in Geneva and talked for hours over waaay too many. After which I drove home, mostly by memory. (Very bad.) So, then, what belongs in this position?
   Chocolate milk. 1% milk, chocolate. Cold, large quantity. Yum.


9. Haribo Gummy Bears. They are not healthy. They're not terribly "cool". They're just fun and weird and squishy. Food that you get to play with: yay!


10. Water from SWC. Yes: I drink water from the tap.


11. Mike Doughty. I wish I didn't like him, because he's far too hip & trendy right now, but his songs are great ("You snooze, you lose/well, I have snost and lost...") and his voice resonates.


12. My toaster. It's a Toastmaster. I paid $11.00 for it at Farm & Fleet. It doesn't work for crap--I have to put the bread in, put it down, let it pop up, flip it over, then put it down again, and even then, it doesn't toast the way I want it--but it isn't pretentious or obnoxious or goddamned pink. It coordinates rather well with my utilitarian kitchen (honey oak knob-free cabinetry, stainless double sink, white fridge) and it certainly left some money free for the important things in life, like buying bread for toasting.

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1. Heirloom rosebushes. When I was growing up, my mom had about 25 rosebushes in the backyard garden which she tended assiduously. Around the time I went to college, she became a 'tester' for Jackson & Perkins, so she got a new bush or two every year to plant and report. Those went in front, where the giant, ugly (but fun) cedar bushes had been. She ended up with another 30 or so (she added her own to the mix). The best thing about most of these plants? The flowers smelled like roses. Try finding a rosebush that produces scented flowers now; they've all been hybridized to death. Boo.
I like lilacs too. That's the last point of agreement with Miss Dita.

2. I have a hand-made wool felt hat that I bought in a shop in the middle-of-nowhere (Gunnerside) in Yorkshire two years ago. It's green. And very warm.
Let's not forget my "Leave Me Alone!" cap at work. And I have a few other summery straw hats to wear on really sunny days.
I love hats, but I hate hat-hair.

3. Marie Callender fruit pie all the way. Too bad they haven't opened one anywhere around here. Barring that, I'll go for the wedding cake at Backstreet Steakhouse in Galena, which comes in 5-layer slices as big as a toddler's head. Mmmm...

4. My mom's china. Or, on a daily basis, Corelle.

5. Whatever's on sale at Kohl's, or Old Navy. Or if I'm feeling wealthy (huh) Coldwater Creek and Eddie Bauer.

6. My little Ford Ranger pick-em-up. I'd actually love to have a 70s-era Jeep, but there is no reason to have an SUV around here. Much less in the city. People are stupid about SUVs.

7. Katharine Hepburn. She made it ok for women to wear slacks, at work!

8. Stoli. Or Dom Perignon. Not together, and not often. And the Stoli should be straight from the freezer.

9. I'm kind of burned out on sweet this week--we are plowing through the Halloween candy. I really love the Cadbury Easter Eggs with the cream inside. They are absolutely perfect straight from the freezer. My freezer gets a lot of use! :-) The best part is that they are only available for a couple of months so I don't gorge on them. In fact, I had the last one from last spring about 3 weeks ago.

10. Uhm, well, diet DP. Or water. Tap water. We have a well. Woo-hah!

11. Nicole C. Mullen. Her music rocks.

12. Well, I can truly say I own NO pink appliances. There's damn little pink anywhere in my house! My current favorite is a new electric frying pan to replace the one we got as a wedding gift. It is much bigger than the original and more versatile, plus it's nice enough to use as a serving station at a buffet.