How much are you really worth?

From Lilly, whom I’ve just discovered….

Look over the list below, taking the dollar amounts from each of the things you have done (whether past or present) and add it up…than post how much you are worth in your blog title. Don’t forget to pass it along…

1. Have gone past first base–$500 (this is going to be challenging, since I’m married. Do I count this separately from #2?)
2. Have had sexual intercourse–$3000? (uhm, counting separately)
3. Have only went as far as first base–$50 (now I just sound cheap)
4. Have smoked an unfiltered cigarette or cigar–$0
5. Have gotten so drunk, you’ve thrown up–$5.50 (fifty cents for REALLY REALLY WANTING to throw up, more than once)
6. Have gone skinny dipping–$0 (hmmm, that’s sorta sad; can I count hot tubs?)
7. Have kissed someone of the opposite sex–$30,000 (easy money there)
8. Have had more than one bf/gf at the same time–$2 (er, what’s the meaning of “had” here? I dated someone while dating someone else for about 3 months because they were both being asshats)
9. Have cheated on someone you are in a committed relationship with–$0 (define cheating…I don’t call it that, but judging by other conversations, some people do)
10. Have fallen asleep during class–$0 (wanted to, couldn’t do it)
11. Have cheated on a quiz–$.... Too long ago to remember
12. Have been expelled–$0
13. Have been in a fist fight–$1 (well, it was a 10-year-old-girl fight, more like a slap fight)
14. Have given oral–$ I think I covered this in #2, because unlike certain former presidents, I’m pretty sure this counts as sexual intercourse…
15. Have received oral–$ See #14
16. Have prank called the cops–$0 (uh-no: healthy self-preservation prevented me from doing this since my mom worked with cops all day)
17. Have stolen something from a store–$3
18. Have done some form of illegal drugs–$20 (Drank before I was legal. That counts in my book!)
19. Have dyed your hair a color that evokes stares–$0
20. Have done something of a sexual nature with someone at least 5 yrs older than you–$0 (older? No)
21. Have dated someone over 18 while you were under 18–$3 ($1 per date, and I was 17 to his 18)
22. Have eaten an entire bag of Oreos–$0 (in one sitting? Blarf)
23. Have cried yourself to sleep over a member of the opposite sex–$400 (hello adolescence…actually, hello my life)
24. Have said you love someone but didn’t actually mean it–$0 (nope—I’ve always meant it)
25. Have ever been in love–$3 (What is love?)
26. Have ever been in lust–$5000 (that’s a conservative estimate!)
27. Have gotten caught doing something that you shouldn’t have been doing–$100 (being child #5 sucks sometimes—my parents always knew!)
28. Have performed some sort of sexual activity in a house of worship–$15 (kissing does count, right?)
29. Have gotten arrested–$0
30. Have spent a night in jail–$0
31. Have made out with someone at the movies–$0
32. Have peed in a pool–$5 (probably, when I was little)
33. Have played spin the bottle–$0 (not at all cool in the 70s!)
34. Have done something that you regret–$3,000,000 or $1 minimum/day, whichever is more
35. Have been in love with someone that you never told–$2

Which totals $3,034,109.50.
I’m a freakin’ millionaire!