| You Should Learn French |
 C'est super! You appreciate the finer things in life... wine, art, cheese, love affairs. You are definitely a Parisian at heart. You just need your tongue to catch up... |
Oh my Lord no way is this happening in my lifetime. I'd sooner learn Inuit and move to Baffin Island than French!
I've italicized the parts that bear some scant relationship to reality.
By the way, I'm not sure what the other options here are, but the language I think I should learn is Greek. Or Latin. Maybe Hebrew, if the first two weren't available.
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