The Cannon Fodder Questions
1. Is there someone you'd like to be kissing right now?
I actually did just kiss Beast before I sat down. He's having a crabby day, and as I type this he's taking his next round of mega-painkillers. That should help, but it also means he'll probably be asleep in half an hour or so.2. When you're being extremely quiet, what does it mean?
It either means I'm concentrating on something or I'm really fucking pissed at you. Or I'm asleep.3. What are you listening to right now?
The TV is on--Men Turning Left in Texas--so I hear car engines and the guys talking. The front door is open so I also hear birds and random people noise from outside. And I'm doing laundry, so the ejector pump just came on.4. Are you a big fan of thunderstorms?
I am not afraid of thunder. I'm not a fan of lightning, however.5. Do you believe in perfect?
Not in this world, nope.6. Are you a jealous person?
Heh. No.7. What was the first thing you thought this morning?
"Ugh. How many times can I hit 'snooze'?" Pretty much the same every day.8. What do you think about when you are falling asleep?
As little as possible. I focus on breathing--a CPAP helps with that--and if I can't shut my brain off, I sing "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" in my head.9. Are you satisfied with what you have in life?
Yes.10. Do people ever think that you're either older or younger than you actually are?
I have no idea. My hair color indicates my age pretty accurately however: dark brown turning gray.11. Do you think men truly understand women?
I'm not even convinced this is a thing, but see question #2. I think it's just that men aren't really conditioned or expected to try to understand others.12. How about women understanding men?
I think for the most part, yeah, we girls have got your number, guys. Of course, we're also often self-delusional about you-all.13. Did anybody ever call you handsome or beautiful?
Ha ha ha ha ha.14. What is one fact about the last person that called you?
The last person who called me is one of those people who will be late to her own funeral.15. Other than your current one, tell us about the longest relationship you have had either a romance or a particular good friend.
I have friends from, literally, 45 years ago. What do you want to know about them? I know quite a lot of dirt, especially on one of the two people I'm thinking of.
The Sassy Questions
1. If you could say anything you wanted to say to Donald Trump, what would you say?
Words would fail to express my thoughts to him accurately, or appropriately. Can I just throw up on his (not-made-in-America) ugly-ass tie?2. If you had to be the mother of Britney Spears or Lindsay Lohan, who would you choose and why?
That's an interesting question. I think Britney would, these days, be a lot calmer to hang out with. I've never really cared for Lindsay, even before she went off the deep end.3. You get to be Queen for a day. The kids are all taken care of, and you can spend as much money as you want. What do you do all day?
There's not a lot of stuff I can think of that only lasts a day. Maybe going up in a private jet and flying around in 100% cushiness?4. Is there a song that brings tears to your eyes every time you hear it? If so, which one?
There are some hymns at church that remind me of specific people every time I hear them. "A Mighty Fortress is Our God" is one of them. "Morning Has Broken" is another. The Bach organ toccata that is often used in old horror flicks is on my list too, though not because of movies.5. A fairy taps you on the shoulder and tells you that you can either have a perfect face or a perfect body for the rest of your life. Which do you choose?
Body. If "perfect" means no breaking, no illness, and no pain, I'm in!6. If you could live any place in the world and money was no object, where would you live and why?
More and more my answer is "not in this country." I've seriously considered looking for a job in England. It's just that a) I'm too lazy to do that, and b) public libraries there are in even worse shape than here.7. What is your biggest regret in life?
Not learning to fly a plane.8. If you could go back and visit one person in your life who is now dead, and ask one question, what would that question be and why would you ask it?
I'd love to spend some quality time with all three of the grandparents who were alive when I was born. They all died within the next 10-11 years and I have almost no real memories of them at all.9. If you had the choice to age forward (like we are now) or aging backwards (think Benjamin Buttons) which would you choose and why?
I'm okay with the way time works. I'm too tired right now to think about aging backwards.10. What will the epitaph on your headstone say?
Funny you should ask. I told Beast this morning--after he read a headline in overnight news to me--that I want "I HATE PEOPLE!" on my tombstone. I've been saying it almost non-stop since January 20.