Navel gazing

Courtesy Woo-Woo.

A to Z the first things in my life

Apartment
When we got married, we lived in a very small one-bedroom apartment in a building built in the 1920s. We had about 25 square feet of floor space total in the bathroom, and about 6 square feet of counter space in the kitchen. It was an adjustment.

Best Friend
Laura Moore. The earliest I remember anyway. I think there were some toddler friends, but I don't remember them.

Car
Sad confession: I've never owned my own car, in my own name alone. But the first car I drove, and loved, was my mom's 1971 Toyota Corolla. It was fun to drive, if hideous to look at, and it was so decrepit that by the end of its life you had to push a button and turn the key in the ignition to start it.

Date
I think I was 16. He drove his 70s-era Honda Civic to the theater, but we had a flat tire on the way. He had no jack. I held the back corner of the car up while he changed the flat. Look closely at that car; this is not exactly a feat of strength. What movie did we see? Who knows?

Enemy
I can't think of one. Plenty of obnoxious kids in school, but only one stands out for sheer meanness: Bill Keith. And even at the time I remember thinking what a miserable life he must have to pick on me. As an adult, the Psycho-Boss-From-Hell, but again, I don't think it was personal.
Maybe it's because I don't care anymore if people hate me?

Funeral
My Nanny, mom's mom. She was 93 when she died. I was 9. It was February, but I remember it being a sunny day. [It usually is in Denver.] I got in trouble for swinging around the light pole in the cemetery while we waited for the service to start. I think I was entertaining my 3-year-old niece, but that could be later justification.

Gamble
Telling the truth at my first job about not being able to complete my shelf-reading duties. I lost.

Heartbreak
Wow, I can't think of one. Probably in college, when Ken never wrote back. I have a hunch that I saw most stuff coming and broke things off first so I wouldn't have to be heartbroken. And even with Ken, I cried but not in a suicidal way. I was closer to suicidal over some incidents with The Beast while we were dating. But tit wasn't heartbroken, just frustration and anger because he wouldn't get his shit in a heap and deal with it.

Intoxication
Age 17. Warren's house. My dad was in the hospital after having open heart surgery. Warren walked me home (3 blocks), and I remember my sister was at home to keep Mom from losing her mind. I came in and tried to listen to the serious talk, but was annoyed by a fly, so I got the flyswatter from the kitchen and tried to kill the damn thing. Did I? Don't know. I don't think Mom or my sister suspected a thing. I don't even remember what we were drinking.

There is a possibility that I got drunk on Tequila Sunrises in Mexico at 16 while on a school trip. The hotel passed them out to all guests as they checked in. They were pretty weak, and I certainly don't remember feeling goofy. We only realized they had alcohol in them because, like me, one girl--what was her name??--drank hers and a friend's. She got very loopy. I didn't.

[We never had any alcohol in our house growing up, not even cooking sherry. It took great creativity for me to find avenues to drink.]

Job
Unpaid: Working in the toddler room at church on Sunday mornings at age 13. I did that for at least 4 years.
Paid: Library page.

Kiss
Lewis, of the Honda Civic story. First kiss and I knew that this was not "It." On a later date, tongue kissing told me the same thing only moreso. I always think of that scene in "Back to the Future" when Lea Thompson kisses Michael J. Fox. That's exactly what it as like.

Does Ron kissing me at a Christmas dance because he had mistletoe attached to his hat so he could kiss everyone count? No, I didn't think so either. But I enjoyed it more.

Love
The kind that's returned? Or not?

My first love was Chris down the block. I proposed. We were 5.

The first REAL love was Beast. The kind that makes your stomach fall out if you think about doing without it.

Movie
"Oliver." I was so terrified (at age 5) by Mr. Bumble that I had to be carried, screaming, from the theater.

Nickname
I don't remember anything until high school when Annie called me Tater Tot occasionally.

Overnight Sleepover
I'm sure it was Laura, but I don't remember how old we were. I don't even clearly remember if she ever slept over at my house. I do remember a memorable night when she called the "popular" radio station multiple times requesting "Carolina in the Palms," so I could hear it. I still haven't heard it. Then there was the time we overnighted with other friends in their camper in the driveway. Just as we got started with the Ouija board, her older brother came out with his friends and started rocking the truck.

Pet
We had a parakeet, Peppy, when I was really little. When I turned ten and stopped going to Mrs. Becker's after school, we got Tippy (which I insisted should be spelled "Tippi") to protect me. He was a Heinz-57 terrier and suffered me dressing him up in my clothes and many other indignities. I loved that dog. And my siblings have reminded me that "THEY never got to have a dog." Yeah, well, I never got to have proper siblings, either, did I?

Queer Experience
None. Sorry, very boring. Too Presbyterian, definitely very heterosexually-interested. I do remember watching a TV show when I was 12, a documentary, that mentioned homosexuality. [I wonder where my mother, the TV police, was? She wouldn't even let me see the 'pregnancy episode' of Welcome Back Kotter!] I had to go look it up in our unabridged dictionary. It was a surprise to me when I found out what the word meant that a dictionary from the 1940s would contain that word! I was awfully benighted as a child....

Road Trip
We did road trips all the time when I was a child. It was the only vacations we ever took. Driving to Casper, driving to Ouray, driving to Wisconsin, etc. My first non-family road-trip was with a church group to the Marin County area of California in high school. We slept on the floors of churches in our sleeping bags. One night was in Lake Tahoe, CA, although we ate in a casino across the state line. One clear memory is burning off Dave's (limited) chest hairs. And Utah sucked. Not the scenery, although some of that was miserable, but the people!

Speeding Ticket
Nope, never had one. My mom worked for the cops/courts growing up; I didn't want to see her in court! I've only been stopped twice, both times for blowing stop signs. Both times I got out of a ticket: 1) because the cop knew my mom and I was picking her up from work, and 2) I was on my way to Bible Study and right in front of our church when the cop pulled me over.

Time
Er, all you non-prudes will not believe this: my wedding night. Things improved steadily from that point forward.

Unchaperoned Concert
Paul Young, age 21 with the people I worked with that summer. My boss was one of the roadies, but low on the food chain so we couldn't meet 'the star.' We did get good seats though. Better than a lot of the screaming teenie-boppers.

Visit to Another Country
Age 14. To England. I'd turned down an earlier trip when I was 10. I stayed with my "Wisconsin" sister for five weeks while my parents when to visit my "England" sister. What a dope! But I appreciated Wisconsin more than I would have enjoyed England. By age 14, I enjoyed history and all the tourist stuff we did.

Westward Migration
I've actually migrated EAST, sadly. I keep hoping to head west someday eventually, but I'll be retired at this rate!

X-Ray
I think the only X-rays I had were dental ones. The first 'real' X-ray was probably in 1997.

Yoni Tree
No clue. I think I'm missing the subtext, but I don't really 'do' Wicca or whatever.

Zombie Movie
Still waiting. No with much anticipation. Scary movies are not my idea of a fun time.